Tuesday, April 08, 2008
1:20 AM
Am left with less than 3 weeks before my final final exam paper in ntu.

How time flies..seems like only yesterday that I stepped into this ulu campus, getting lost trying to find my classrooms and being disappointed with canteen food. And in the blink of an eye, 3 years has passed.

So much has happened, and while I do complain about ntu ever so often, I guess deep down, this is a place which truly holds some wonderful memories for me. A home away from home indeed..

Anyways, exams are a-looming, yet yours truly hasn't started on studying. Note the key word here: studying. Not even revision!! *tears at hair*

Gotten addicted to naruto for quite awhile now; yes I know I'm lagging a few years behind, but I've caught up all the way can you believe it. Cos' I can't! Imagine if I spent all that anime/manga time studying; I'd probably graduate with the best grades for my modules. Bleahh.

I have no idea why but I'm just so addicted to the anime la. Ohmans. Totally unlike me. Though I can be ultra extreme, like not watching any tv or vids for months, then suddenly spending every single day watching certain dramas/shows. Not good!

Guess it's some form of escapism for me..and I like the fact that there's actually a storyline and things to be learnt from the anime. Maybe cos' there are some things portrayed which I feel strongly about, hence the addiction. At any rate, it's not healthy now, given that my first paper starts in..8 days. *freakout to the max*

Had jap listening and oral test today. The former wasn't too bad, albeit a little tricky. The latter, completely cuiiii. Let's not talk about it.

I keep forgetting that I S/U-ed jap, so I really shouldn't be spending so much time on it. I suppose the only good thing which came out of watching naruto at such a wrong time is that it actually helped brush up my jap. And I mean, really really helped. Haha.

Haven't started on gms and don't really have any idea how. Damn sian. Like what ps said, it's pretty much having to do 5 mini presentations in 2.5 hours. Is that sucky or what. Puiii.

Looks like I really gotta get started. Don't even know if I can keep my hons anymore; but as long as I can graduate, that's better than nothing la.

My motivation died the day you left me..sounds ironic, but true. People say that such things happening are just supposed to make you more motivated to live your life well, to do well in things/studies so as not to disappoint, exactly what I've been hearing and what I know daddy would want me to do. But I won't deny that my motivation for studies have died. Completely.

This is the first exam in my life where I don't have daddy to whine to, don't have daddy's encouraging words which I've depended on all this while. The things he'd say to me to make me feel all better, to make me feel motivated and actually want to study. All these, I've done with no one else but him.

I know it's the final exam, my final sem in ntu, what more only 2 papers, as what most people will exclaim. But I really don't have the heart to study anymore. I think I cried too much of my heart out, 100 days ago. And still ongoing.

This may sound stupid, but even until today, I'm still sensitive when people mention their fathers, talk about their daddy. I don't really want to listen cos' it just makes me want to cry, but that's a selfish act. So I listen, and become unable to stop the flood of memories, and eventually, the dam storing my tears just threatens more and more to break. I hate this feeling. I really do. Please forgive me, my dears, if I seem cold and uninterested at times. It just hurts too much to listen. Because once upon a time, not so long ago, I also had a daddy who would do all that, and more, for me.

I'll just lun another 2 weeks plus, try to make myself study instead of escaping into some anime world or the past, and hope that I can score a reasonable grade that won't get me into trouble with my mum/tutor/blah.

Now I finally see it..you were my life's motivation. The driving force behind actions meant for my own good. Things I'd willingly do for your sake, because you loved me and wanted the best for me. I no longer bother to do them now, though I know I should. You were the one person I wouldn't hestitate to give up anything for, and now you're gone.

Can you let me feel that you're by my side, once again?...

me
scribbled at
1:20 AM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

.girl in question.
[geri]
[turned twenty ONE on 28th jan!]
[aquarian]
[shopaholic]
[ij to tj to nbs]
[crazy moments]
[can be a biatch]
[2903]

.adores.
[rainbow] [stars]
[trumpet] [sunshine]
[monokuro boo] [tigger]
[shopping] [candy empire]
[family and friends*hugs*]

.take note.
nothing for now.all in my head.

.wants.
|i just want YOU to be alright. recover soon please..|

.current loves.
||my family||

.darlings.
amala amanda amy anneson benji berenice candice cherish cheryl chih lin christina cindy corinne daniel darren dawn deborah dern eileen elayne gerald guanyu huiteng huixun jasmine jeannie jiabao jieying jinyuan joan kingman layleng lianya luther marinah melf mitchelle neo nina ntusb pamela peiqin pyrite's blog sheryl tow boon vanessa wenhui yifen youwei ziyun

.click on them.
baumhouse birks- gso birks- jestel kg friendster haloscan hollister hyper-act! michael phelps club naturlich footshop orisinal who lives near you

.memories.
|tjband|
[syf 2003]
[prelude XXIII]
[prelude XXIV]
[trumpet section 2003]
[band thailand trip]
[trumpet section outing]
[wasbe 2003]
|2903|
[prom 2004!]
[class outing to beach]
[2903 album]
[sentosa]
|iras|
[concen TCOs]
|ij clique|
[bbq at bern's house]