.shut me out from this world.
Wednesday, March 05, 2008
3:49 AM


If only I could be as sunny and cheerful as this sunflower seems, everyday.
PS is right in saying that sometimes, we just gotta be good to ourselves.
I love flowers; they make me feel tons better on a bad day, and make my smile dazzle on a good day. Pretty blooms lift my spirits and chase the blues away..but I hate to see them start wilting..a reminder of how life will always come to an end.
At least flowers don't suddenly die..they go through a rather systematic process of slowly wilting and drying up.
The same can't be said for humans though..one day you're here, the next day you're not. Anything can happen, anytime.
Life is so short..so precious..yet so frail.
I miss my daddy. Sighh.

me
scribbled at
3:49 AM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Tuesday, March 04, 2008
11:21 PM

Life can be such an irony..with 2 extreme sides to most things, most people, most issues.

I thought I knew you..but sometimes I feel as though I'm facing a stranger unknown to me.

I know you do care..yet there are occasions when I feel as though I'm last on your priority list.

It's almost as though we share a love-hate relationship.

There are times when all I want is to be in your company..and also times when I can't wait to get away from you and words which hurt. Whether intentionally or not.

What seems like a joke to you, may not be funny to me. And vice versa.

Everything seems to be hanging in the balance when I think of you and I. Like the line between us is so thin, anything can make or break the situation.

I have dreams of us being happy together, and also realistic glimpses into a future where it's either you or me. Not us.

I must admit, for the life of me, I cannot figure out the importance you have in my life. I can't tell if I'm happier having you around me or not. I don't want to second-guess your thoughts and feelings all the time.

And I don't want to guess my own, cos' I simply don't know them myself.

I'm speaking in riddles, and totally aware of it. Cos' to me, you're like an unsolved riddle in my life. A question which I don't know the answer to, and don't know if I will ever find.

I wonder which is the real you...?

me
scribbled at
11:21 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Monday, March 03, 2008
4:07 PM

Recess week is over in the blink of an eye, and here I am wondering where it went to. Oh mans.

Fyp meeting this morning yielded like a million things we gotta chiong by dateline next week. I do not likeee!! Sighh. And audrey pretty much told us we can't get an A anymore. =(

I think I've been slacking too much; suddenly there's the gms online task PLUS the major major presentation due in 2 weeks' time. And not forgetting fyp of course. School sucks.

Here I am sitting in hall, freezing while the rain is pitter-pattering, yet I'm totally comfy in my own world. It's time I woke up, really..exams are coming like damn soon, and I still know nothing about what it is that I'm studying. Is that like a dead end or whattt...

Mummy and lings are flying to australia this weekend for 2 weeks; my darling sister's flying to japan come monday--where does that leave me? Alone in singapore pia-ing projects and fyp and reports and whatnot. Bleahh.

I can't wait for cambodia trip in july! It's not such a mad idea to go for ocip in place of grad trip right..after all, it's a meaningful trip where I get to help others, plus sightsee and shop in cambodia..what's not to like? The ymca guy seems to think we can't take hardship though..haha. But I'm sure we all can la..this is nothing compared to what the pple there have to go through everyday of their lives.

I really think I'm very lucky..there are times when my mind just wanders on its own, and I'll start to think of how I could have been worse off really..for all I know, I could have been born in some third-world country to a poor family, trying hard to make ends meet and survive one day at a time. That thought is just so scary..I feel really blessed here amongst my family and friends.

Still miss daddy loads..nowadays the memories come without warning, and the tears will threaten to fall in the middle of nowhere. Haii. Last saturday I met bern and shan at little india to buy the garlands for jeff, and that was basically a bad day la. Had a throbbing headache while waiting for them, and after that, going to tekka market didn't help..it seemed like only yesterday when I went there with daddy..the memories are super hard to push away when they fill my mind.

It really takes alot alot of control and willpower to not just break down suddenly..that day, I almost lost that determination cos' I was feeling so, so tired and sick. But I won't do that cos' it'll just give them a shock and it'll make things awkward..what more in public..

Nowadays I just stone and sucuumb to memories when I'm alone, especially during travelling..that period of time I travelled so often with daddy on the train, to and fro the hospital. And the hospital itself is another nightmare place..I almost wanted to walk away when we went to visit jiabao last week. Why nuh of all places..the memories there are the most painful..I'll never forget what the doctor said to us at A&E. And I never want to step into that place ever again.

I really hate the pain and the feeling of tears welling up, threatening to spill. The kind of heartache which time will never heal, and the feeling of loss which will never be filled by anything else. Although I grieve relatively positively and am considered to be coping rather well, what shows on the surface invariably differes from how I really feel. The process is going to take a long time la. In the meantime, hopefully life can continue as per normal..sometimes I feel the urge to force myself to be happy so that I won't think..

Ohwells. It's back to a reality of projects and datelines to meet. Everything else can wait..I just need to fulfil that one last wish for now..

me
scribbled at
4:07 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

.girl in question.
[geri]
[turned twenty ONE on 28th jan!]
[aquarian]
[shopaholic]
[ij to tj to nbs]
[crazy moments]
[can be a biatch]
[2903]

.adores.
[rainbow] [stars]
[trumpet] [sunshine]
[monokuro boo] [tigger]
[shopping] [candy empire]
[family and friends*hugs*]

.take note.
nothing for now.all in my head.

.wants.
|i just want YOU to be alright. recover soon please..|

.current loves.
||my family||

.darlings.
amala amanda amy anneson benji berenice candice cherish cheryl chih lin christina cindy corinne daniel darren dawn deborah dern eileen elayne gerald guanyu huiteng huixun jasmine jeannie jiabao jieying jinyuan joan kingman layleng lianya luther marinah melf mitchelle neo nina ntusb pamela peiqin pyrite's blog sheryl tow boon vanessa wenhui yifen youwei ziyun

.click on them.
baumhouse birks- gso birks- jestel kg friendster haloscan hollister hyper-act! michael phelps club naturlich footshop orisinal who lives near you

.memories.
|tjband|
[syf 2003]
[prelude XXIII]
[prelude XXIV]
[trumpet section 2003]
[band thailand trip]
[trumpet section outing]
[wasbe 2003]
|2903|
[prom 2004!]
[class outing to beach]
[2903 album]
[sentosa]
|iras|
[concen TCOs]
|ij clique|
[bbq at bern's house]

have seen my daily craps =]