Monday, February 25, 2008
1:45 PM
Sometimes I wish you can understand where I'm coming from. Meet me halfway, accept that I'm trying hard, and try along with me.

I've long accepted that you've always seen me as the rebellious, stubborn kid whose purpose in life is to upset you day and night and, as you like to put it, "drive you to your grave early".

How do you expect me to respond? You really think I was born for this purpose huh.

I'm bloody freaking 22 already. How long more do you want to control my life? I'm definitely not ruining it as you always insist I am. Why on earth do you think I'd give up on my studies after struggling for 2.5 years? With only a few months to go, no less. And education isn't free you know. I'm the one who'll be paying back my own mountain of loans. I'd be really really stupid if I were to give up now.

Have more faith in me, please. I have brains which I use to think with. I plan my future and I can see where I wanna go with this part time okay? I can work and study at the same time; if not, what do you expect me to survive on? Grass? It's not like you're working and dishing out allowance to me whenever I want.

I have never asked you for money and I never intend to.

You keep reminding me that I have no more daddy. What's the point of rubbing salt into the wound? Is that the correct way of grieving and rebuking me? I think it's damn wrong to keep bringing up such topics. Tell me what's the point la really.

To you, I'll just always be some kid who refuses to listen to her parents, intent on driving you up the wall till you die early. If you insist on this, there's nothing more I can say. Since everytime I open my mouth with good intentions, things just turn ugly.

Why should I continue to try when you don't reciprocate.

Leave me to my own life please. Since you're so convinced that I'm walking towards hell and a bottomless abyss and basically throwing my life away, the only thing I can do now is to let you see eventually how I'm going to succeed.

Just wait and see yeah. I can't convince you now, so I can only let you eat your words eventually.

Don't think that I like doing this or talking like that. It's not right, but you really leave me with no choice. I'm at my wits' end, really.

I give up.

Not on myself, but on you.

I really hate this. I hate myself for saying all these. But I really can't take it anymore. I'm only human. Please remember the kind of burdens I have too. You're not the only one who's lost someone in your life. So have I.

I'm coping, and doing positive things to help our future. But are you?...

You can hate me for doing this but you'll understand my point of view in time to come.

Sometimes I really wonder about my reason for existence..I'd rather the one to have died was me.

me
scribbled at
1:45 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

.girl in question.
[geri]
[turned twenty ONE on 28th jan!]
[aquarian]
[shopaholic]
[ij to tj to nbs]
[crazy moments]
[can be a biatch]
[2903]

.adores.
[rainbow] [stars]
[trumpet] [sunshine]
[monokuro boo] [tigger]
[shopping] [candy empire]
[family and friends*hugs*]

.take note.
nothing for now.all in my head.

.wants.
|i just want YOU to be alright. recover soon please..|

.current loves.
||my family||

.darlings.
amala amanda amy anneson benji berenice candice cherish cheryl chih lin christina cindy corinne daniel darren dawn deborah dern eileen elayne gerald guanyu huiteng huixun jasmine jeannie jiabao jieying jinyuan joan kingman layleng lianya luther marinah melf mitchelle neo nina ntusb pamela peiqin pyrite's blog sheryl tow boon vanessa wenhui yifen youwei ziyun

.click on them.
baumhouse birks- gso birks- jestel kg friendster haloscan hollister hyper-act! michael phelps club naturlich footshop orisinal who lives near you

.memories.
|tjband|
[syf 2003]
[prelude XXIII]
[prelude XXIV]
[trumpet section 2003]
[band thailand trip]
[trumpet section outing]
[wasbe 2003]
|2903|
[prom 2004!]
[class outing to beach]
[2903 album]
[sentosa]
|iras|
[concen TCOs]
|ij clique|
[bbq at bern's house]