Wednesday, January 09, 2008
11:18 PM
Been feeling quite emo lately for the most obvious reason, plus that time of the month just came, so it's double whammy. Kind of cramping as usual..and a little unstable cos' I'm reminded of how daddy used to be so concerned about me whenever I cramped badly.

Haii.

Still feels kind of surreal and unreal and dreamlike sometimes. Especially when I'm not home; at work, it feels as though everything was just like 2 weeks ago.

I wish it was.

The tears seem never-ending..though I think I'm already crying alot less than I expected to. But it still hurts so badly..like it'll never heal.

I look like a puffy-eyed panda. Ohwells.

I long so much for the past, wishing I can turn back to a time when things were happier. I keep recalling past memories for fear that I'll forget them one day..and in the process, making the heartbreak so much harder to heal..

I miss how you'd shake me awake in the mornings for school.
I miss having breakfast with you.
I miss the time we experimented making dumplings and lamented over the outcome.
I miss the way you'd peer from behind your glasses with a "huh" look on your face.
I miss your concern for me whenever I cramped.
I miss how you used to bake bread for us.
I miss seeing you painstakingly brew my medicine for me.
I miss your yummilicious cooking and innovative recipes.
I miss the way we'd bitch about lousy tv shows.
I miss how we could talk about anything and everything under the sun.
I miss the way I'd share my problems with you and always felt better after that.
I miss how you'd advise me about life.
I miss hearing you share your ups and downs with me.
I miss having you nag at me to sleep early.
I miss the times you'd drive me to hall, and how we'd wave goodbye endlessly till you drove away.
I miss seeing you fall asleep in front of the tv.
I miss the times you'd gently comb my hair for me when it looked messy in public.
I miss the way you used to pat my head affectionately.
I miss how you'd hold my hand to jaywalk across a busy road. Even when I'm as old as 21.

Above all, I miss you mostt.

So many, many more things I miss. Memories I never want to let go.

Just like how I don't want to let you go.

I don't want to be strong anymore..I don't want to be a pillar of strength. I don't want to keep it all in and cry to myself when I'm all alone..I'm tired and I want to let it show. I don't want to hurt..I just want you back daddy..

The darker the night, the nearer the dawn...

me
scribbled at
11:18 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Sunday, January 06, 2008
12:53 AM
Real heartbreak is when you lose the person you love the most; your best friend, your confidante, your role model..the one person you'd sacrifice your life for.

I prayed so many times over, pleaded and begged and cried, but they didn't work in the end.

I still do wonder now if I've accepted reality, or am I still living in memories of the past, hoping against hope that maybe, just maybe, I will wake up one morning to find it was simply a bad dream.

But I guess he picked the right day..31st december. When the week before, somehow, unplanned and unarranged, everyone from both sides of the family came to visit, to help us out, to urge daddy have a speedy recovery..

I only wish that he could have seen the cranes we folded..

We sent him off with 1,740 cranes. The well-wishes and prayers of so many pple..all adorning the coffin. Thank you so much everyone, who helped try create the miracle that sadly didn't materialise.

Thank you all the same..

And thanks to all my dears..your condolences and well-wishes..and especially to those who came down to the wake, even more so to those who came down almost everyday. Sorry if I didn't talk to you much, or I brushed you away after the cremation..but just knowing you all were there really helped alot, alot.

Thankyouu.

It was a bittersweet reunion..to see his long lost friends appear one by one..putting aside their work, their matters, contacting one another to see daddy for the last time..I'm sure he was really, really happy. He wanted so much to see you all again. Although it had to be under those circumstances, I'm glad his wish came true.

Delivered an eulogy which some told me was good and touching..I hope it did sufficient justice..it really wasn't easy. But I'm glad I did it..

Actually I don't really know what I'm typing. I guess I just want to say a big thankyou to whoever who came down to help, both physically and spiritually, to those who offered their condolences. Thankyou for keeping my daddy and my family in your prayers. And my dearest relatives especially..we can never thank you all enough.

But most of all..I want to say the biggest thankyou to my daddy. For being the bravest person I've ever known, never giving up or resorting to painkillers of any sort..for being the most wonderful father who showed us love through actions and not just words..I love you for who you were to everyone who knew you, and anyone whose heart you touched in more ways than one.

I love you for being there for us unconditionally, for walking through the last 21 years with me, never ever far from my side..

I love you, because I do.

You'll be dearly missed and always loved..the memories will never be forgotten.

Take care on your new journey, just like how we're starting life anew in this new year. Just like how you would have wanted us to.

Byebye daddy, thankyou for everything; I love youu. *huggs

May fate bring us back together again, whether in this life or the next..

me
scribbled at
12:53 AM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

.girl in question.
[geri]
[turned twenty ONE on 28th jan!]
[aquarian]
[shopaholic]
[ij to tj to nbs]
[crazy moments]
[can be a biatch]
[2903]

.adores.
[rainbow] [stars]
[trumpet] [sunshine]
[monokuro boo] [tigger]
[shopping] [candy empire]
[family and friends*hugs*]

.take note.
nothing for now.all in my head.

.wants.
|i just want YOU to be alright. recover soon please..|

.current loves.
||my family||

.darlings.
amala amanda amy anneson benji berenice candice cherish cheryl chih lin christina cindy corinne daniel darren dawn deborah dern eileen elayne gerald guanyu huiteng huixun jasmine jeannie jiabao jieying jinyuan joan kingman layleng lianya luther marinah melf mitchelle neo nina ntusb pamela peiqin pyrite's blog sheryl tow boon vanessa wenhui yifen youwei ziyun

.click on them.
baumhouse birks- gso birks- jestel kg friendster haloscan hollister hyper-act! michael phelps club naturlich footshop orisinal who lives near you

.memories.
|tjband|
[syf 2003]
[prelude XXIII]
[prelude XXIV]
[trumpet section 2003]
[band thailand trip]
[trumpet section outing]
[wasbe 2003]
|2903|
[prom 2004!]
[class outing to beach]
[2903 album]
[sentosa]
|iras|
[concen TCOs]
|ij clique|
[bbq at bern's house]