Tuesday, September 04, 2007
4:00 PM
Many happenings since the last time I blogged..but I'm not going to update on everything. Can die!! Haha.

Mnemonic's over, and to be honest, it was pretty cui. Not quite the way I'd envisioned my last concert with ntusb to be, but wells..kudos to everyone who put in hard work! Personally I didn't practice hard enough..but I know many many others who did. So, good job!!

Serena dearest surprised me with a sunflower prettily wrapped in purple wrapping! Super huge sunflower la. Haha. Thanks my dear..that was a beautiful end to a 2 year series of memories. =)

Part of me feels relieved that I can finally step down and stop going for band pracs, but there's another part of me which knows that I'll be missing everything and everyone. I have a wonderful section who's so bonded, I'm really glad for them..and the night before concert, they gave me a little photoframe of the 14 of us. Such a sweet gesture! I was very touched. =)

Ah wells! It's time I started focusing on studies and everything else that's not band..after having devoted super alot of time since sec 1..can't believe it's been near 8 years of continuous bandlife! Have had many ups and downs, esp in ntusb itself, but each and every experience has been wonderful in it's own way..whether great memories or lessons learnt..and I've made some pretty fantastic friends too! Hope we don't lose contact just because I stop going for band liao..

Been taking many photos lately! Esp with the ij clique..haha. Celebrated hz's bday some weeks back, and sp's bday on sunday! Will post pics up soon. Too lazy to collage them now haha. It was immense fun!! Love the 8 of us together. Thanks for making me feel so at ease and always happy around you babes. Huggs. =)

Quite lagging behind in schoolwork as usual, and what with cesim to contend with. I think it'll be a nightmare when the actual game starts tmr haha. Practice round already saw our group sitting in smu for so many hours!! I must start mugging already. Blink of an eye, and it's already the 5th week of sch!! Almost half the semester gone sia..every monday I feel as though it's the start of a new term lol. Before I know it, exams will be here. Yikes.

Am starting to let go a little, miss less, yearn even lesser. Things and feelings which used to torment me when they weren't reciprocated..it's almost ironic to see it happening the other way now. Why do pple only learn to cherish something when they're losing it? No matter how we tell ourselves not to do that, it always happens.

I don't know what's in store for us, even in the short run. Let alone the future. I'm just taking a baby step at a time, afraid of upsetting whatever delicate balance there is now. I know you've been trying recently, but I think it's abit late..at least, my heart feels that it's come too late. But I won't end things unless I'm absolutely sure they can't be salvaged cos'..I don't wanna regret my decision. Give me some time to find back the feelings. If time doesn't do the trick, then I guess it's goodbye..

Strangely, I don't feel as sad as I thought I would. Maybe it's because I've shed so much tears, had my heart broken countless times that there's some sort of immunity already. There's only so much sadness I can take without going crazy and falling into depression. I still have my life to think about, family and friends to love. I won't let my world collapse so easily.

Maybe I've learnt to be stonger, ironically. The worst months back then were hellish; I really felt completely cui-ed. As if a part of my life was being taken away from me, and I could do nothing to get it back. Then, I felt that all the strength and bravado was a false front; I felt damn fragile and broken. But it seems that when you get over the worst, you regain some form of independence, and see things in a new light. Understand that sometimes, you just can't force things your way, can't have everything you want.

I will no longer ask you to change for me, because I know you will not. It's not fair, anyway. I'd always hoped against hope, but I think that's pointless, really. If you really wanted to, you would have done so long ago. I just hope that you won't make anymore promises you don't intend to keep, whether to me or to anyone else, because a promise is really a sacred thing. Promises are meant to be kept, not broken. No matter how big or small that promise is, how important or unimportant you deem it to be. Just like how love is meant to be cherished, not tested.

I do love you, but the spark isn't within my grasp anymore. Maybe it'll come back, maybe it won't.

We'll see.

The darker the night, the nearer the dawn--

What is the dawn that lies in store for me? An end, or a new beginning?..

me
scribbled at
4:00 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

.girl in question.
[geri]
[turned twenty ONE on 28th jan!]
[aquarian]
[shopaholic]
[ij to tj to nbs]
[crazy moments]
[can be a biatch]
[2903]

.adores.
[rainbow] [stars]
[trumpet] [sunshine]
[monokuro boo] [tigger]
[shopping] [candy empire]
[family and friends*hugs*]

.take note.
nothing for now.all in my head.

.wants.
|i just want YOU to be alright. recover soon please..|

.current loves.
||my family||

.darlings.
amala amanda amy anneson benji berenice candice cherish cheryl chih lin christina cindy corinne daniel darren dawn deborah dern eileen elayne gerald guanyu huiteng huixun jasmine jeannie jiabao jieying jinyuan joan kingman layleng lianya luther marinah melf mitchelle neo nina ntusb pamela peiqin pyrite's blog sheryl tow boon vanessa wenhui yifen youwei ziyun

.click on them.
baumhouse birks- gso birks- jestel kg friendster haloscan hollister hyper-act! michael phelps club naturlich footshop orisinal who lives near you

.memories.
|tjband|
[syf 2003]
[prelude XXIII]
[prelude XXIV]
[trumpet section 2003]
[band thailand trip]
[trumpet section outing]
[wasbe 2003]
|2903|
[prom 2004!]
[class outing to beach]
[2903 album]
[sentosa]
|iras|
[concen TCOs]
|ij clique|
[bbq at bern's house]