.shut me out from this world.

Saturday, May 19, 2007

6:12 AM

I am so damn tired!!

Not the sleepy kind of tired; rather, it's the aching-all-over kind of tired.

It's 6am!! Ohmygosh.

And I'm still freaking awake..cos' my hair isn't dry yet. Arghh.

Super tired after work..did until closing. Maybe I shouldn't have..like what jy said, I haven't worked for quite awhile. Then today one shot work till closing. Confirm exhausted!!

Emerald's second alarm clock just went off. What a shock la. I haven't gone to bed, and she's awake. Hahaha. It's quite funny, come to think of it.

Somehow I'm not that sleepy lehh..maybe cos' I slept alot last night. Ah wells.

Anyways, had the most unnerving taxi ride just now. *shudders

Only dongming and I were going back to the west, so we shared a cab together. Dropped him off at his place first before continuing to hall.

The moment we got into the cab, which was a silver arrow cab, I noticed something rather funny about the driver. He was wearing a polo tee and jeans. I've never seen any cab drivers wear so casually before lehh. I mean, driving a cab like the silver arrow. I keep imagining it to be the mercedes cab drivers kind, in long-sleeved shirts and all. And to top it off, he was wearing a cap!! It was a freaking 4am in the morning can. Goodness!!

I think he's pretty young..about late twenties to early thirties. But somehow, I just had this unexplainable feeling of unease the moment I got in. Maybe too tired. Haha. But it was really weird la. His monitor thingy (which shows the street jobs and timing and all) had a towel over it, and once we got on, he switched it off. I thought it's like a must to keep it on or something..like they'll receive announcements from the cab centre or what? Don't know la.

But anyways..it was just damn freaky!! For me la. Somemore I was the later one to get off..and it was so damn late already. Couldn't help feeling kind of nervous. Haha.

That was the most tense cab ride I've ever had!! After dongming got off. At the beginning, I was even contemplating if I should get off with dongming and just hail another cab..but I figured it's too troublesome.

Guess I was just being oversensitive..nothing happened la. Haha. But still, he was behaving really weirdly. Just not very normal, even for a taxi driver on the late night shift. I must think twice before taking cabs so late at night by myself again. Haha.

Okay I really should go to bed already. I can hear pple getting up and talking outside at the corridor..though I have no idea why they'd get up so early on a sunday!! Ohh maybe like em. Go church.

Anyways!! My bed's beckoning!! I need to sleeeeep...it was a pretty good feeling going back to work and seeing pple I haven't seen for so long though. Haha. Plus the moolah's that's going to come! Yays.

Goodnights!! Or should I say, good morning! Haha.

Drifting into my dreamland...

me
scribbled at
6:12 AM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Thursday, May 17, 2007

11:06 PM

I wanted to blog alot alot earlier..all the words running through my mind, mixed with my feelings and emotions..but now, the words just fail me. Don't really feel like blogging anymore..

Cried my eyes out earlier, something I haven't done for a long time. Sometimes I feel so overwhelmed by everything, don't understand why I just can't effect a positive change in my daddy's thinking and..everything else. Sighh.

Now that mummy's really not going to find a part-time job..I'll just take up whatever slots sean and don can give me. She doesn't wanna take my money, but she has to la. And I will make her accept it..if not, how to survive? I hardly go out anymore..no school too..so don't need to spend so much..ah wells.

See how everything goes..and hope for the best..*prays

me
scribbled at
11:06 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Wednesday, May 16, 2007

1:59 AM

I'm blogging using em's laptop!!

Left mine at home..haha. Couldn't be bothered to bring it to hall for a night.

Didn't even know if I should stay in hall at first..but lazy to travel all the way back again after band. So decided to sleep in hall tonight!

Went for supper! Missed my prata haha. Yums!

The cleaners haven't cleaned up our room yet..thought it would be cleaned by today already!! But still as dirty as before. Hahaha. So irritating la, was hoping I could remove all the plastic coverings I put up last week and replace my bedsheets and all..end up gotta remove part of all the coverings and dig out my pillow and quilt and everything again..so that I can sleep properly tonight.

They better come and clean it tomorrow!!

My ear/jaw is aching again. Shiat. Thought I was over that nerve-wrecking period already..hopefully it's just some random thingy that's not serious..or at most, an inflammation of some sort that will clear on its own..can't stand the thought of going to dr. lee's again and being subjected to all sorts of possibilities..I don't wanna see a specialist either..that thought is too freaky. Not to mention, expensive. I seriously hope I'm not afflicted with some problem..that will really be the last straw. *crosses fingers

I'm quite wide awake mans. Though I know I should sleep soon. Going to eat breakfast with serena in the morning! Then I need to head down to MS to find the store selling Phiten products..don't know how good they really are. If it's that amazing..then I'll join the Phiten spree and get one for my daddy. As long as it can help ease some pain and aid better sleep, I don't mind paying a high price for it..just need to convince him to use it. Hmm.

I'm freezing! Or at least, my nose is. Air con's blowing at me directly. Brrr. Need to go sleep soon..in a couple more hours, emerald's many alarm clocks are bound to wake me up haha.

Her lappie is pretty nice to use. Maybe I should've bought an acer back then. Haha. But still, I like the lightweight factor and pretty design of my own fujitsu. Although the lappie itself keeps giving me funny probs. Why oh why am I not a computer expert. Or at least, reasonably knowledgeable. Bahh.

I am going to work again this sat!! After an uber long hiatus. Haha. Bet I'll feel all achy again after that..all the standing around and balancing of trays, clearing of dirty plates and blahh..but the moolah's tempting. That's totally what I need now.

Luckily there's the GST offset thingy too. Will help a wee bit come july. I can't wait! Every single cent counts man. Haha.

Okays I think it's about time for bed. And before I know it, the alarms will start going off one by one. I think she set at least 4. Haha.

Goodnights!

me
scribbled at
1:59 AM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Monday, May 14, 2007

10:23 PM

Now I know why mondays are the so-called monday blues for many pple.

I think my daddy must especially feel this way..get up at unearthly hours every mon, rush to the hospital, then spend the next 10 to 11 hours there.

I get tired there myself, not to mention him, having to endure the treatment processes.

At the rate his weight is dropping..daddy will soon fight with me for the spot of the lightest person in our family sia. Scariness..sighh.

At least this marks the start of the 3rd week..looking at it optimistically, we're almost halfway through!! Hope everything goes as smooth sailing as is possible..

Today's also the 1st day of PA!! Which doesn't affect me. Don't know how to describe what was going through my mind when I woke up early this morning, thinking that by right, I should be preparing for my first day of attachment too..just like everyone else..

But I don't regret my decision la. Looking at the situation now..all the more I'm glad I opted to defer. How else can we cope..as it is, we get abit flustered now and then.

On the other hand, the thought of doing attachment by myself in dec is kind of scary. Don't know anyone else who'll be doing their PA at that time either..

Some pple think, I'm fortunate to have this 3mth break while they have to sacrifice 8-10 weeks doing PA. They say lucky me, I get to enjoy. When I hear that..I honestly don't know whether to agree or get angry. I can't quite believe that they really think this 3mths is going to be a holiday break for me..a breeze to go through, to enjoy..if given a choice, if circumstances aren't the way they are, I'd sooner opt to do my PA now, just like everyone else.

Deferring it to dec means I gotta skip at least 3 weeks of my last semester next january. My final sem in which I have classes to attend, not to mention, FYP to complete.

Do they really think I'm going to enjoy myself for the next 3 mths?...

I go to the hospital everyday, have learnt to cook quite a bit cos' I have to help prepare daddy's meals, take up more household chores than I ever did before, and which I agree, I should have done so long ago. Now's not too late to start, just that it can get pretty hectic at times.

And if mummy really goes and work part time..I must cope with more already. Sounds like a breeze huh. Say that to my face if you can claim to do a better job than me, with no stress, no worries.

Then I'll agree, yeah, I'm lucky to have this 3 mth break, and I'm going to enjoy every bit of it.

Sighh. I sound kind of sarcastic and cynical here but..just sian la. Hate the way pple look at the situation so lightly at times cos' they simply don't understand what my family and I are going through. It's not just simply dealing with the illness. There are so many other things to consider and worry about.

So please, if before reading this post, you're one of those pple who's about to tell me I'm a lucky girl for deferring my PA, you better change tack. If you insist on telling it to my face, don't blame me for responding with a glare. Haha.

I will understand that the attachement pple have their on and off days at work, deal with lousy colleagues, jobscope, etc, but please respect that I have to deal with my own set of problems too..they're no easier than yours.

I think I sound quite harsh here huh. Nothing bad intended. Just letting off some steam. Basically, pple who know my situation are generally understanding. Just that sometimes when I hear them talk about their own situation and their various complaints..I feel they don't know how lucky they really are.

Alrights, that's enough ramblings for a post. Said more that I intended, probably more than I should..with none too nice a tone also..

Anyways! All the best to all the PA peeps! Make the most of your 8-10weeks and write good reports k! Jiayou!! =)

me
scribbled at
10:23 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

.girl in question.
[geri]
[turned twenty ONE on 28th jan!]
[aquarian]
[shopaholic]
[ij to tj to nbs]
[crazy moments]
[can be a biatch]
[2903]

.adores.
[rainbow] [stars]
[trumpet] [sunshine]
[monokuro boo] [tigger]
[shopping] [candy empire]
[family and friends*hugs*]

.take note.
nothing for now.all in my head.

.wants.
|i just want YOU to be alright. recover soon please..|

.current loves.
||my family||

.darlings.
amala amanda amy anneson benji berenice candice cherish cheryl chih lin christina cindy corinne daniel darren dawn deborah dern eileen elayne gerald guanyu huiteng huixun jasmine jeannie jiabao jieying jinyuan joan kingman layleng lianya luther marinah melf mitchelle neo nina ntusb pamela peiqin pyrite's blog sheryl tow boon vanessa wenhui yifen youwei ziyun

.click on them.
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