Friday, March 02, 2007
12:32 AM
There's something I want to do, but doing so will probably just earn me some kind of black mark for the rest of my life.

Okay, not so serious, but well..it's not a decision which I can flippantly make.

All I can say is, my reason for arriving at this decision is borne out of finally seeing what's important in my life.

Simply put, family and studies, in that order. Nothing else comes before them.

So, I plan to give up on anything else that might remotely eat into my top 2 priorities, just do away with everything that I deem unnecessary. I know it's unfair of me to do it, but after narrowly escaping a scare and praying hard that there will NOT be another, I don't think I have the energy to deal with other things. As it is, studies are killing me. This recess week hasn't been very good; plenty of project meetings everyday, but nothing much accomplished on the whole.

Tons of assignments and project datelines looming within the next couple of weeks; so many things but so little time. I'm already being driven up the wall.

And there's just this worry in my mind which I can't put down, can't get rid of. I hope my fears will be unfounded..

For those who will be affected by my coming decision, I'm sorry. You can say I'm selfish, I'm irresponsible, I shouldn't be doing this when I know it's not right. But I will still do it all the same, because I know what's really important to me. And I won't compromise it for anything else. Just let me be a bitch and say this: you're not me, so you will never know what I'm going through. Your guess won't even come close, so don't even try. Don't try to understand me or ask me what's going on cos' I won't tell, unless you already know. Some things are better kept within oneself. I see no point in telling the whole world my deepest problems and fears.

Once again, I'm sorry if my actions to follow are going to affect some of you. I don't seek your understanding cos' I guess it's going to be pretty hard. All I want is for you to NOT question my actions and just accept my reason being that I know my priorities and what comes first now.

Like I said, family and studies only.

Nothing else.

me
scribbled at
12:32 AM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Monday, February 26, 2007
8:40 PM
I feel like I'm living in a world that doesn't belong to me.

No matter how hard I try, I just cannot accept the facts of reality.

The harsh fact placed right in front of me.

I'm trying so hard to stop my world from crashing down on me.

But I don't know what to do.

Maybe I've been living in a false sense of security the past 21 years. And in recent years, painting a rosy and beautiful picture to others, a scenario worth envying.

Perhaps the only person I've been trying to convince really, is myself.

Somehow, the news didn't come as a surprise. Even before the words were out, in my mind, I was already thinking along the same lines. But I hoped against hope that I was wrong.

Unfortunately, my guess was spot-on.

I don't even know whose fault is it. To be fair, everyone is at fault. But to what extent?

I don't want things to end up that way. I don't know what I'll do if the worst really happens.

Why is life so unfair? I've already tried being optimistic, learning to be thankful for all that I have, and not complain and yearn for what I do not have.

But is this too much to ask for? Why can't I just have this one thing that's really important to me?

My top priority. The one thing in the whole world I'd never trade anything for.

And it's all about to shatter in front of me.

Yet I have to be strong. For them. For myself. It's tiring. There are so many things to consider.

I just feel like going to sleep forever. Or find a time machine to turn back time, to improve a situation I never knew to be so bad.

If I can have one last wish, this would be it. Just this final wish. And I'll never ask for anything ever again.

Pray for me. For us.

me
scribbled at
8:40 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

.girl in question.
[geri]
[turned twenty ONE on 28th jan!]
[aquarian]
[shopaholic]
[ij to tj to nbs]
[crazy moments]
[can be a biatch]
[2903]

.adores.
[rainbow] [stars]
[trumpet] [sunshine]
[monokuro boo] [tigger]
[shopping] [candy empire]
[family and friends*hugs*]

.take note.
nothing for now.all in my head.

.wants.
|i just want YOU to be alright. recover soon please..|

.current loves.
||my family||

.darlings.
amala amanda amy anneson benji berenice candice cherish cheryl chih lin christina cindy corinne daniel darren dawn deborah dern eileen elayne gerald guanyu huiteng huixun jasmine jeannie jiabao jieying jinyuan joan kingman layleng lianya luther marinah melf mitchelle neo nina ntusb pamela peiqin pyrite's blog sheryl tow boon vanessa wenhui yifen youwei ziyun

.click on them.
baumhouse birks- gso birks- jestel kg friendster haloscan hollister hyper-act! michael phelps club naturlich footshop orisinal who lives near you

.memories.
|tjband|
[syf 2003]
[prelude XXIII]
[prelude XXIV]
[trumpet section 2003]
[band thailand trip]
[trumpet section outing]
[wasbe 2003]
|2903|
[prom 2004!]
[class outing to beach]
[2903 album]
[sentosa]
|iras|
[concen TCOs]
|ij clique|
[bbq at bern's house]