Friday, April 21, 2006
10:55 PM

Your Love Life Secrets Are

Looking back on your life, you will have a few true loves. You've been deeply wounded in the past, and you're still recovering from that hurt. You prefer a quirky, unique person to be your lover. You're easy going about who you're with, as long as they love you back. In fights, you love to debate and defend yourself. You logic prevails - or at least you'd like to think so. Getting over a break-up doesn't take long. Easy come, easy go.

I think it's eerily true. Esp the 2nd line..actually, everything in there is quite accurate la. To the point it's abit freaky. I read and reread it like 3 times to make sure my eyes weren't playing tricks on me. Haha. As for the last line...that I'm not too sure. Maybe it's true to a certain extent...depending also on who it involves la. Haha. Anyway...this is what boredom does to you when you don't feel like studying. Particularly if you're like me, having gone through the bizlaw paper earlier.

All I can say is, damn shit.

me
scribbled at
10:55 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

10:20 PM

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free. In love, you feel the most alive when your partner is patient and never willing to give up on you. You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change. You would be forced to break up with someone who was insecure and in constant need of reassurance. Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets. Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment. You think of marriage as something that will confine you. You are afraid of marriage. In this moment, you think of love as something you don't need. You just feel like flirting around and playing right now.

me
scribbled at
10:20 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

10:32 AM
Oh no oh no oh no.

I'm cramping.

Shit.

Those of you who know what happens to me whenever I get cramps will probably know why I feel so terrified and desperate now.

My bizlaw paper's in 4hours and I'm cramping. From experience, it usually worsens as the day progresses...the times I ended up throwing up and feeling faint is usually during the afternoon. And I have an exam in the afternoon later.

How??

I'm dead.

Please don't cramp later..please let me do my paper in peace..cramp all you want in the nxt 3hrs and even after the paper, just not during...please please please...someone answer my prayer...I really cannot afford to screw up the paper...I need to pass..I need to pass every mod...Please go away during my paper... ='(

me
scribbled at
10:32 AM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Wednesday, April 19, 2006
2:09 PM
Decided to take a break from bizlaw..wanna blog but got nothing much to talk about, so I shall list 50 things about me instead! Was supposed to do this a long time ago when serena first talked about it, but I've been too lazy. When it comes to studying, though, everything else is better than facing a pile of notes. So my list of 50 things is finally here! Lol.

1. I'm a narcissist
2. I don't eat onions, except for onion rings
3. I've been a bookworm since I was 4 or 5. Libraries used to be my haven.
4. I'm a shopaholic! =)
5. I don't like rollercoasters
6. I like running, especially long dist.
7. I have thunder thighs. It's true!
8. I love to gaze at the starlit sky on a clear night
9. I used to hate pink, but it's now my fav colour
10. Most of the tops I own are pink in colour.
11. I love sunflowers and roses
12. I used to be underweight all the time that I hated being able to eat alot but not get fat
13. Now I hate putting on weight and wish that I can eat alot and not get fat. >_<
14. Butterflies and moths scare me. Actually, all insects do. Haha.
15. But cockroaches are really what scare the hell out of me
16. Everyday, I save all the coins leftover in my wallet, regardless of the amount
17. I only like to drink HL milk
18. Likewise, the only bottled water I drink is ice mountain. All others have a funny taste.
19. I love dark chocolate
20. I don't watch horror movies. They scare me.
21. I've always wanted to be a lawyer till sec sch. Then I wanted to be a taitai. Haha.
22. I have this tiny fear of taking airplanes cos' the turbulence makes me sick.
23. But I love flying above the clouds cos' they're so fluffy and pretty!
24. And, I like to travel. Haha.
25. I don't deny I'm brand conscious. But got no moolah. =(
26. I love to eat veg. Almost all types.
27. I've seen a 4-legged spider before
28. I've had terrible acne since I was 11. The times you see me without, it's all thanks to antibiotics.
29. I've seen a shooting star before. Once.
30. I don't know how to use a lighter cos' I don't dare to flick it. I'm scared of fire haha. I was even afraid of lighting bunsen burners for lab practicals last time.
31. I once had such a bad fall while iceskating that I cracked my tailbone
32. Since then, I haven't been able to sit in one position for long. Pui.
33. I love to play the piano but I suck at it.
34. Lightsticks make me happy!
35. I'm scared of deep waters that can submerge me. Including swimming pools.
36. I have naturally frizzy hair and my hairdresser once termed it 'indian curls'. *faints. What you see now is the result of an invention called rebonding.
37. I want to get married by 28. Lol.
38. Almost every mth, I'll cramp so badly that I'll throw up and nearly faint. This is just to let you know that not every girl has it easy during that time of the mth.
39. People who don't know me have said before that I looked like a lian. Wth?! Ultimate insult!
40. I love animals. Selectively of cos'. Penguins, dolphins, giraffes, elephants are cute! Haha.
41. I've been to genting highlands more times than I can remember
42. My first bday cake was in the shape of donald duck
43. I used to hate childcare cos' of this horrible teacher who used to scold me for going to the toilet "too often". Maybe I was a water barrel back then.
44. On the other hand, I liked childcare cos' of my friends, the afternoon naps and the rubber ducky! We got to play with rubber duckies in a big tub of water. *quack
45. When I don't smile, I look really dao. I'm not unfriendly; I just happen to look like that
46. I want to own a husky someday
47. I'm scared of cats
48. I don't like eggs, especially half boiled and sunny side up and anything with runny yolk. I eat scrambled and omelette though.
49. I love to sit indoors on rainy days, listen to the raindrops fall and snuggle up in a dark room with a book, my blanket and a cup of hot coffee.
50. I believe that everything happens for a reason, so we shouldn't have regrets.

Okay! Done with 50 things! Wow it's really quite long haha. Hope you had fun reading through it; time for me to get back to bizlaw!

me
scribbled at
2:09 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Tuesday, April 18, 2006
5:48 PM
Econs paper finally over and done with..don't really know what to say about the paper. I was pretty much in a daze the moment I went in till I came out of the exam hall. Didn't help that the first 10mins once I started writing, the sun was shining directly at me la. So the white question booklet was reflecting light at me, and I couldn't concentrate. So annoying! After 10mins, the girl seated on my right kena. Lousy place to have exams. Then to make things worse, for the entire 2.5hrs in there, I was sneezing and sniffling away. Every single tissue used up..more than 2pkts. *faints. Freaking xinku sia...I hate it when this happens during exams. =(

Anyway, I'm super not in the mood to do anything now although bizlaw is in 2days and I haven't exactly started on anything. Whatever I was so keen on about 3weeks ago has all diminished..and the sight of the bizlaw textbook and lec notes just about wanna put me to sleep. Eek.

On a more exciting note, I'm finally falling in love with birkies! Abit lagging I know, but I used to think it wasn't anything special..plus quite ex la. But out of boredom I began surfing the net for birks, and I found so many nice designs! Shit I feel my moolah begging to be let out of my wallet. *slams wallet shut. I wanna buy online! Slightly cheaper I think. Provided got quite a few orders la..anyone interested? Haha. But I'm a total newbie to online shopping. Never tried it before. So someone's gotta give me the lowdown on what goes on. Lol.


I like this design! Simple yet nice. Haha. Acty what attracted me was the colour combi. =p


This is super pretty la! All silver and gold..so princess-sy! Haha. I like alot! But this, and the one above, belong to the heidi klum collection..don't even ask about the price. You don't wanna know. Lol.


I like the brand papillio! Got many nice designs..I especially like gizeh. How to pronounce, anybody? Gi-zah? Haha. Anyway, this one's arizona ethno pearl..I like the patterns! Not too flowery and outlandish. Niceee! =)


Gizeh! Haha. Simplest and nicest design I think..this one has pretty shades! Bright too..maybe abit hard to match, but still, I like! It's the gizeh bicolour red...


Carnival black leather. I always believe you can never go wrong with black. Haha. Plus, it has cute multicoloured bubbles! At least, they look like bubbles to me. And a pretty, shiny buckle! =)


Dotties silver! The name itself is super cute haha. Silver's a pretty pretty colour! Nowadays I'm starting to like simple patterns on simple colours. I think the dots look alright on a classy colour in this case. Haha.


Gizeh gold! It's less bright and shiny than I expected, but that's easier to match than super shimmery gold haha. Quite simple and nice! Somemore it's on sale at the website la..damn cheap! But the size too big. =(

All these designs came from one site..got so many others I haven't seen! I know they're mostly the same la, but still, it's fun to look around. Hee. I'm so super gian to buy a pair now!

I want my birks!

me
scribbled at
5:48 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Monday, April 17, 2006
5:56 PM
I don't know why, but everytime I have a paper the next day, I never have the mood to study that particular subject the day before. Econs is tmr and yes, I have no wish to look at the stack of econs notes or the thick thick textbook that sits on my table. Therefore, I've returned it to its rightful place on the shelf where it's been collecting dust the last 3mths. Oops.

Wonder if panic will start to set in just before the paper tmr..for ob last week, I was quite worried over the fact that even when preparing to enter the exam hall, I still didn't feel nervous or a single bit of anxiety. How ironic. Maybe it's cos' that was an open book exam. Too bad econs is closed book, or it'll save me alot of trouble trying to remember the ways in which one can stabilise inflation rate and whatnot. Urgh.

Tried doing past sem papers and it's pretty scary to know that should some of the same questions come out tmr, I still won't be able to answer them. I know that should scare me enough to send me scuttling for the correct answers in the textbook and lec notes, but I'm somehow just simply too tired and too heck care to bother. I'm always like that. Then I'll end up regretting when I see that same or similar question during the exam. Ah well. Please don't let me regret; please give me a relatively easy paper. Or at the very least, 2 questions from each section which are doable by my standards. Seeing how we have a choice of answering 2 questions out of 3 for both micro and macro econs...okay if I continue like this, I'm going to end up detailing instructions for the exam paper itself. This is what exams do to me. Eeks.

I'll worry about bizlaw after the econs paper tmr..normally bizlaw is my fav subject and I should have started on it a long time ago, at least 3/4 way through already. But I haven't even started! Shiat. Mindmaps are the way to go, but given, like, 2days to complete them..I don't think it'll be humanly possible to map out the entire 12lectures, even if I forego meals and sleep. Which I'm not about to do. So, I guess the conclusion is, either I work my socks off and pray super hard after tmr's paper, or I just go in there and die for the bizlaw ppr. Then again, I think I'll die for all my pprs. Last sem still had mkting as my saving grace to make my overall results look decent; this sem, nothing seems likely to do the same. Ahh shit.

I feel like I'm stranded underwater, unable to move in any direction. My brain certainly feels so. No module interests me in studying, not even bizlaw. Instead, I dread it. I can't seem to find the answers I want, remember the concepts which I desperately drill into my head, or understand theories which I didn't understand since the start of the sem. It's as though I've hit saturation point when I know full well that I haven't even used up half my effort in studying and preapring for exams. This feeling really sucks. It's going to suck even more when I feel a sinking dread looking at the exam papers and when I finally get back my results.

Okay. Time to stop thinking and getting stuck in a rut. Die die also must at least pass every module..

Back to econs.

me
scribbled at
5:56 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Sunday, April 16, 2006
12:10 AM
There's a weird mood overwhelming me now, yet I can't point a finger at what it is, or how it suddenly came to blanket me. All I know is that, I've been thinking of all sorts of things for the past half hour, so much so that my mind is a whirl of thoughts which just refuse to leave me alone. Ended up taking a walk down the lane called memories, reliving so many things kept hidden within the depths of my heart, happy and sad, angry and cheerful.

So many many things that I don't know where to start from. My thoughts seldom sort themselves out in an orderly manner; I can be thinking of something happy one moment, and sad the next. There's no telling what my mind does to me at times as such.

When I sink into one of my reflective and wistful moods, I like to do something with my hands while allowing my mind to wander. That's how I usually end up with so many paper stars and cranes around me. And if there's a particular person in my mind, I'll end up making something for that person. At the moment, no one, so I started folding cranes with my econs textbook lying open in front of me, untouched, while I lost myself in the green shimmer of the origami paper...

There are so many things I miss. Suddenly feel a fierce longing for things and people in my life..whether past or present. I miss my grandma, I miss my uncle. I don't like to face the thought of death; I won't lie and say it doesn't scare me, cos' it does. But I don't know which is worse: thinking of your own death or having to face the pain of losing your loved ones. To put it in a selfish perspective, after you die, you don't know what goes on any longer. You're free from problems in the mortal world, but when you watch someone die, watch someone you love dearly leave your side, you have to continue living with the pain from the loss, the anguish and regret of not having done something for that person, or having said "I love you" for the last time. That's the problem with people. We always seem to think that even if we don't do it now, there's always later, tomorrow, day after tomorrow...when will that thought ever end?

People are always capable of saying, take some time to smell the roses, live life to the fullest, but how many actually do heed that advice? Sometimes I look at my notes and tutorials, look around me in sch, see students mugging like there's no tmr, as if good grades are their lifeline, and I wonder to myself, is this how I want people to see me? Grades are impt cos' people say so, cos' our society doesn't make room for failures, cos' paper qualifications are everything you need to get a kickstart in the career of your life. So, who came up with it? If I had my way, all that would be rubbish. Education teaches you morals, teaches you values, I don't disagree. But what about people of the past who had little or no education? I see so many of them turning out perfectly fine, sometimes even better than the so-called educated. When I learn weird-looking math formulas and memorise theories with unpronounceable names, I really wonder if I'm ever going to need them in life next time. I don't see how sine and cosine are going to be of any help to me in a supermarket when 1+1=2 can easily do the trick. And in the singaporean context, if you're not sure, just learn anyway. And the more the merrier. Cos' you'll never know when you're going to need it. After 20yrs, I've decided the answer to this is, you're probably never going to hafta use 3/4 of what you learn in sch. Of the remaining 1/4, does it surprise you to learn that they're acty the things we learnt in kindergarten, in primary sch? How to share your toys, respect pple around you, mind your Ps and Qs...

I don't know how, after having typed so much, I sound like a critic of the education system instead. That wasn't my purpose to start out with. I guess one thought just leads to another. As the myriad of thoughts flooded my overcrowded mind, I suddenly rmbd a story which I read before a long time ago, but have never forgotten, even till now.

A man dies one day and finds himself at the gates of heaven, where an angel is waiting for him. The angel asks him, "Do you want to go to heaven or hell?" The man says he wants to know the difference between the two. And so the angel brings him on a trip, first to hell, then to heaven. In hell, the man sees many people, all holding extremely long silver spoons, longer than their arm, crowding around a huge pot of steaming soup. However, they all look angry and starved to death although food is right in front of them. Simply because everytime they scoop a spoonful of soup, they are unable to drink it due to the long handles. Next, the angel brings the man to heaven. There are also many people standing around, holding the same long silver spoon and crowding around the same pot of soup. However, they all look happy and well-fed. The man cannot understand the difference, and so he asks the angel. To which, the angel replies, "In hell, all they knew was to satisfy their hunger, but the long handles of the spoon that got in their way only served to anger them further. In heaven, they use the same long spoons, but the difference is that, here, they learn to feed one another."

Of course the story isn't word for word..and there are probably many mistakes as compared to the original one which I read. At least, this story is restructured as best as my memory allows. I was struck by how true and sensible the angel's words were..sometimes I see people around me behaving in exactly the same way as the people in hell did. Why can't things be simpler, so that people's thoughts will be simpler, they will be more easily satisfied and thus happier? Simple things in life bring the most pleasures, be it smelling a flower, playing in the rain or dancing amidst a field of sunflowers. How I wish life can be like this, simple and ordinary, yet extremely fulfilling. So many times I find myself wondering, what's going to be my next step? My goal in life? I don't really know the answer. Sometimes, it's better to be free from ambition. It's not that I don't want to have goals in life or have an ambition to work towards to; I just wish the process could be much simpler and more joyful. Wouldn't it be nice to live in a world without backstabbing, office politics, jealousy and envy, all things negative which spoil relationships and turn people against one another?....

I once said before that if I were to die tmr, I'd probably die with regrets cos' there are so many things I have yet to do, experience, places I want to see. Yet, if you ask me the same question now, my reply would probably be the opposite. Not that I've managed to do all the above in such a short time; rather, it's because I feel that I'm contented with what I have now. Especially my family. Through the years, friends have come and gone, friendships forged and lost. Tears that I've shed over friends I've lost...but my family has and will always be there for me. They're the people who will never leave me, no matter how I've fallen into an abyss and rendered myself hopeless. I've come to appreciate and love them so much more that, all I would regret, if I were to die tmr, is that I can't spend anymore time with them. Friends are something like a bonus, an extension of family. Yet, they are not always there. And the faces change with every chapter of life that begins and ends.

I just read back whatever I've typed so far and realised it's so long, I might as well just start writing a book. And whatever's above doesn't go in any order either. Like I said, it's my thoughts materialising in words, my random and haphazard thoughts which come and go like the fleeting wind. Well, it is my blog after all, I don't need anyone else to read it but me, a place for me to pour out what's in my heart, so I don't think I should apologise if anyone has had difficulty reading it up till now. Haha. But if any of you have acty managed to read up till here and still survived, I'm pretty impressed. Haha.

Think that mood's slowly leaving me now..I don't know when will it drop by for a visit again. I used to dread such a mood, cos' it made me feel all sad and whimsical and contemplative..turn me into someone who responds less to others, think too much and too deeply about what scares me, and in the end, make me feel like crying my heart out. But over the years, I've come to realise that with everytime I immerse myself in this mood, I view things from a different perspective, I learn to cope with my inner fears, and I usually come out of it for the better. So, I've learnt to embrace it and love how the thoughts fill my mind and drive out all things mundane.

Anyway, I've typed enough for an essay report I think. And it's bedtime, so I shall just shut my mind and go to sleep..tmr will be a day devoted to econs..I promise..no more folding of shimmery cranes for the time being.

Goodnight.

me
scribbled at
12:10 AM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

.girl in question.
[geri]
[turned twenty ONE on 28th jan!]
[aquarian]
[shopaholic]
[ij to tj to nbs]
[crazy moments]
[can be a biatch]
[2903]

.adores.
[rainbow] [stars]
[trumpet] [sunshine]
[monokuro boo] [tigger]
[shopping] [candy empire]
[family and friends*hugs*]

.take note.
nothing for now.all in my head.

.wants.
|i just want YOU to be alright. recover soon please..|

.current loves.
||my family||

.darlings.
amala amanda amy anneson benji berenice candice cherish cheryl chih lin christina cindy corinne daniel darren dawn deborah dern eileen elayne gerald guanyu huiteng huixun jasmine jeannie jiabao jieying jinyuan joan kingman layleng lianya luther marinah melf mitchelle neo nina ntusb pamela peiqin pyrite's blog sheryl tow boon vanessa wenhui yifen youwei ziyun

.click on them.
baumhouse birks- gso birks- jestel kg friendster haloscan hollister hyper-act! michael phelps club naturlich footshop orisinal who lives near you

.memories.
|tjband|
[syf 2003]
[prelude XXIII]
[prelude XXIV]
[trumpet section 2003]
[band thailand trip]
[trumpet section outing]
[wasbe 2003]
|2903|
[prom 2004!]
[class outing to beach]
[2903 album]
[sentosa]
|iras|
[concen TCOs]
|ij clique|
[bbq at bern's house]