.shut me out from this world.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

2:15 AM

Stupid msn is giving me problems again. I can't sign in, and don't feel like studying, so I've decided to blog!

Went to catch the midnight screening of eight below yesterday with jy and serena. Very nice show! I want to own a husky. Hahaha. Not because of the movie; I've liked huskies long ago. But the movie just reinforced my desire to own one. Haha.

Since jy has given such a detailed synopsis of the movie, complete with pictures of the super adorable huskies, I shall cut short my account of the movie. Lol. It's truly a very touching movie..the bond between jerry and the 8 huskies is something I really envy. Sometimes, we don't even see that kind of bond betweem humans, yet a movie is able to so poignantly portray the friendship and love within a human-dogs team. Throughout the show, the huskies were referred to as their "team"...not pets. I love how the dogs were more or less personified with such humanlike characteristics, especially maya and max. Those 2 huskies really have acting potential, I tell you. The way maya intelligently looks upon every situation and directs the other dogs...the way max tries to get into the good books of his canine counterparts and eventually succeeding...really very beautiful scenes which I won't forget for a long time to come.

I don't know if in reality, dogs are like that..meaning, they care enough for one another and do things like distracting the attention of enemies (in this case, the ugly leopard seal) and giving fresh kill to an injured fellow canine. I suppose they do, cos' it seems so real in the movie, I don't see how the humans in the cast can force the dogs to act against their nature.

The movie had the right amount of thrill and suspense..especially the part with the ugly leopard seal. It's seriously ugly and damn gross la. Haha. The image of seals in my mind has always been cute and snowy-white and adorable...not the yucky one in the show. Lol. Like wad jerry said in the show, they're more leopard than seal. Hahaha.

I mentioned that the movie was touching right? Really can bring tears to your eyes..like it did to mine. I teared a few times throughout the show..once when old jack died, another when I thought maya succuumbed to her injuries..but the one which really tugged at my heartstrings and brought about a fresh wave of tears was the scene where doc davis found a picture his son drew...a picture that said "my hero is...the dogs that saved daddy". And below the words were drawings of all 8 huskies..looking rather comical in rainbow colours, but nevertheless, extremely touching. The innocence behind the drawing, and how it led the doc to think twice about helping jerry, was what really reached into the depths of my heart. And with every attempt by jerry to find some way to get back to his dogs, I could actually start to feel his desperation and sadness too. To me, if a movie is able to evoke such a myriad of emotions in me, it can't be all that bad..but of course, I may be wrong. Every movie has its own effect on each viewer..

K la, it's getting really late, and though I really wanna publish this post, I can't do it now cos' I lost the network connection. Urgh. Anyway, when this post is finally up, it'll prob be the next day. Go watch eight below okay! It's really a super nice show, though somewhat predictable in terms of its storyline, but nevertheless, extremely heartwarming. Plus, the 8 huskies are just too cute to resist! But if you're emerald, or like emerald, then I suggest you give it a miss. Haha.

Nites!

me
scribbled at
2:15 AM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Monday, April 10, 2006

3:30 AM

I'm about to do something very stupid. Something which I'll probably regret doing, something which I'm not supposed to be thinking about anymore, but something which I still haven't really let go. Maybe it's because I don't wish to forget, rather than not being able to forget...neverthless, it's 3am now, I'm supposed to wake up early tmr to study and exams start in 2days. But I'm still gonna blog this entry because...my heart wants to.

The chances of you reading this is like super remote. Almost impossible. But still, I'm blogging not because I'm hoping you'll stumble upon this. I'd rather you don't ever see this actually. Go on with your happy life now and don't think of the past anymore. What's past is past; I will truly believe in that statement at the end of this entry. I promise.

Maybe it's exactly because I haven't completely forgotten you, that's why I've never felt the same towards another guy, which I once felt for you. That kind of feeling, of one's first love, is truly hard to forget. I would say impossible actually, but some pple may beg to differ. I don't know if you even know how much I really liked you then, how hard I fell for you. I know it was a two-way thing; maybe just more so on my part. I don't mind, and I don't regret falling so hard for someone, cos' to me, I'd rather love someone more than he loves me. Even if pple say, it's luckier to be loved more than you love that person.

Anyway, that's not impt. That feeling was of once-upon-a-time, a feeling of utter joy that lifted my heart. A feeling that is no more. Which I'm glad of, to be honest. Imagine if after so long, I still haven't gotten over you and still pine over you. That would be so totally foolish. Although it took me a long time, at least time does heal all wounds. My wound has healed, but the scar still remains. Hopefully after this entry, after today, the scar will gradually fade to nothing and cease to exist in my life. Hopefully.

There are so many things running through my mind, I don't know what to say, where to start. I only know that I miss you very much, even until today. I don't know if it's an irony to say that the feelings are gone, I'm over you, yet I still miss you. Maybe it's because our friendship couldn't withstand that period of time, and ceased to exist, that's why I'm feeling the pangs of regret. Even if we aren't meant for each other, I'd have hoped that we could at least have remained friends. The way we started out right from the beginning. Truly platonic friends. It is possible, whether you believe it or not. Cos' I do.

There are just so many things about you, about us, the memories of the past, that I miss. Memories that have never been erased from my heart, only kept hidden. And resurfacing from time to time. But it all helps in the healing process I guess.

I miss...the times we spent together. The phonecalls everynight which was what kept me going through the day. The way you sang to me even though you were far from being a wonderful singer. The way you told me you missed me. The way you'd call me for no reason just to say hi and tell me what you were doing. The messages from you which never failed to make me smile. Your lame jokes which made me laugh like crazy. Your concern for me whenever you sensed something was wrong. How you always tried to make me eat more cos' you said I was too thin. Your encouragement for me to study hard. Being my listening ear and shoulder to lean on whenever anything upset me. Your maturity and wisdom which I really admired. How you would come all the way down to meet me after sch just to have lunch together. The way you confided in me, and vice versa. Studying with you. Teasing you about growing taller. The nickname you gave me, which was really lame but I allowed you to call me that cos' you came up with it. I miss...everything. So many things. Too many to list down, to many for me to rmb offhand...too many which I shdn't be thinking about.

The scenes replay in my mind as though they happened only yesterday. But yesterday was years ago, in this case.

I think I really shouldn't go on. If I do, this will never end. I guess the bottomline is...memories of you, of us, is what has been holding me back, the emotional baggage I've been carrying all this while, thinking I'd completely gotten over you, over the heartbreak..only to find out that, no, I'm wrong. I've gotten over you, but I haven't gotten over the memories. And I still miss you, as a friend, whether you believe it or not. I wish our friendship didn't have to end because of that. Had I known the ending would be thus, I would never have wanted that day to exist.

In just one entry, I've let out most of the baggage, the emotional block that's been making me treat others unfairly. Trying my hardest to finally let go of the one thing that I haven't been able to totally put down for a long while. No idea if it's a wise idea to post this entry...to even have typed it out..but I don't care.

I missed you, I still miss you...but I will miss you no more. I promise.

me
scribbled at
3:30 AM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Sunday, April 09, 2006

12:33 AM

Back in hall again...when I'd rather be at home. Sighh. Wanted to stay in hall over the weekend to mug, but I went back instead cos' I wanted to go with everyone else to pray grandma this morning. First time in a long while I've woken up so early when at home! Haha. Was supposed to come back hall in the afternoon so I could at least get some studying done, but the temptation of home was too great. Plus, daddy was planning to cook rendang for dinner, and of cos' I wanted to eat homecooked food with my fmly!

I even helped prepare dinner! Rendang and omelette! Super nice dinner..even if the rendang had too much coconut. It was just the feeling of sitting tgther with the ones I love the most that made everything so wonderful and heartwarming...I miss home so much..I miss my fmly even more..hall does make me homesick, even after almost a year. =( Family warmth will always be the best...irreplaceable by anything else..

Ended up coming back rather late cos' I spent the night watching tv. Whole weekend wasted again! As always...doesn't seem to hit me that exams start in 4days. Gosh. I'm like so dead. Urgh. >_<

Was reading yesterday's papers when I saw the horoscope section...and mine said:

Romance will blossom, but you have to be open to it first. What emotional blocks are holding you back? Are you really ready to get out there, or have you just been telling yourself that? Examine your depths.

It's so eerily accurate that it almost scared me for awhile. I had to read it like 3times over to convince myself of its accuracy. Freaky. And I guess the answer deep within my heart is, yes, I have emotional blocks that I've kept hidden for a long long time. 5 years is definitely not a short time in this sense. And I guess I really have been lying to myself, telling myself that I'm ready to get out there when the truth is, I'm not. And I don't know when will I ever be. It's been 5 years, yet memories of him still remain in my mind. Memories I've tried so hard to keep hidden, but it's been surfacing without warning the past few days, and I find myself missing him more and more. So much so that I desperately wanna turn back time and change the outcome to something happier, a wonderful ending that doesn't lead to heartbreak.

But I can't.

Okay, enough about that. I don't wanna think about anything now except for studies and exams. Everything else can take a backseat, particularly anything to do with matters of the heart. I don't wanna deal with anything of that nature for now, maybe for a long while to come. I've had enough to last me a lifetime, and it's not something I'm happy to proclaim or something that I'm proud of. At any rate, I just wanna have my motivation to keep pushing myself towards the exams, to survive it and come out knowing that I've tried my best.

Ohana means family, and family means nobody ever gets left behind. I love my family. *muacks

me
scribbled at
12:33 AM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

.girl in question.
[geri]
[turned twenty ONE on 28th jan!]
[aquarian]
[shopaholic]
[ij to tj to nbs]
[crazy moments]
[can be a biatch]
[2903]

.adores.
[rainbow] [stars]
[trumpet] [sunshine]
[monokuro boo] [tigger]
[shopping] [candy empire]
[family and friends*hugs*]

.take note.
nothing for now.all in my head.

.wants.
|i just want YOU to be alright. recover soon please..|

.current loves.
||my family||

.darlings.
amala amanda amy anneson benji berenice candice cherish cheryl chih lin christina cindy corinne daniel darren dawn deborah dern eileen elayne gerald guanyu huiteng huixun jasmine jeannie jiabao jieying jinyuan joan kingman layleng lianya luther marinah melf mitchelle neo nina ntusb pamela peiqin pyrite's blog sheryl tow boon vanessa wenhui yifen youwei ziyun

.click on them.
baumhouse birks- gso birks- jestel kg friendster haloscan hollister hyper-act! michael phelps club naturlich footshop orisinal who lives near you

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