Friday, March 24, 2006
6:45 PM
Today's one of the most horrible days ever. =(

First, the day got to a bad start when I overslept for ob. Sherlyn overslept too, so we both missed the lec. Felt cramps coming, so I popped panadol although I didn't eat anything..nth in hall to eat la, plus I was rushing for time. Thought that perhaps the panadol could take me through the day if my cramps weren't too bad...which they didn't seem to be throughout comm mgmt. But it got steadily worse after class ended when I was going back to hall. And I was supposed to go shopping with serena!

Needless to say, shopping plans had to be shelved cos' the pain got too unbearable. First time in my life I was so tempted to overdose on panadol just to stop the pain from getting worse..scary thought man. My room wasn't that hot but I started perspiring like crazy. As if I just ran 6km around ntu. Gosh. Subsequently felt like throwing up so I went to the toilet...but I didn't eat anything the whole day so there was nth for me to throw up..damn xin ku! There I was, leaning against the wall and seeing millions and millions of stars dancing in front of me. Just had to see the stars at a time when I'd rather not see them. I was just that little bit short of falling to the floor and kissing the ground la. But somehow there was this rational part of me, despite all the pain, that told me fainting in the toilet was a bad option. Damn dirty la. I'd rather faint in my room. Saw myself in the mirror and nearly gave myself a heart attack. I looked worse than those girls who piled on foundation like it was free. Damn freaking pale. And I was starting to break out in cold sweat instead of feeling hot. Perspiring like mad one moment and shivering the next. Urgh. So I staggered back to my room and collapsed on my bed..and spent the next 2hours or so drifting in and out of consciousness. The pain would always wake me for awhile before I surrendered to sleep again though.

Got up from bed not very long ago..feeling alot better now as compared to just now. The feelings was damn damn scary man..while in the toilet, I really wished I could just die there and then. If there's one thing I can't tolerate, it's pain..especially pain from cramps. >_<

Because of this, plans had to be cancelled...my shopping trip with serena, and our chilling out session at balcony after that with jy, yw and daniel..so sorry guys..didn't expect this to happen, and didn't expect it to be so bad. Hopfully next time nothing like this will crop up again...*crosses fingers.

Starting to feel super hungry. And starting to feel cramps coming back again. Uh oh. Please don't please don't please don't... >_<

Hope I'll feel well enough in 45mins time to meet serena and jy for dinner...

me
scribbled at
6:45 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Thursday, March 23, 2006
9:02 PM
I want retail therapy and I want it now!

But it'll hafta wait till tmr. geri be patient...

Got alot of stuffs I wanna buy! I'm not gonna set myself a budget for shopping tmr; I haven't really shopped properly in ages. Shopping makes me happy! Provided I get to buy what I want and what I like. It sounds scary going on an unlimited budget tmr, but I really feel very...wrong somehow. These days. Somemore with exams coming..I feel like I'm gonna go nuts soon. So I wanna shop all my frustration out, all the stress and annoyances that bug me, everything! Shop till I'm a happy girl again.

I think must get serena to keep me in control tmr..or rather, keep my wallet in control. Haha. Damn scared I'll end up spending too much; I'm expecting 3digits, just a matter of how high the digits are. Haha. Haven't felt like this in a loooong time, wanting to spend so much at one go when usually I split up my purchases. I know I should be saving money, even more so that I wanna take up driving soon and gotta pay out of my own pocket...should I or shouldn't I? Hmm. Not an absolute necessity for me to drive now, but no idea when will I have the time to learn if not in uni. Anyways...I just need to save moolah. Period. Even if not for driving, for settling my mountain of debt that's gonna crush me flat once I graduate. Education in s'pore is an absolute bloodsucker. Except they suck money and not blood in this case. No money, no talk. I wonder if at the end of 3yrs, my degree will even be worth the many many thousands of dollars I gotta fork out just to get that piece of paper. Pui.

I'm so not in the mugging mood. Last week was pretty good, with me going to the library and all...completing my revision and tutorials way ahead..but this week I haven't seem to have stepped into lwn more than..once? And it's not because I'm hitting the books in hall either. Getting overly chummy with my lappie is more like it. Msn and more msn. If not, it's blogging and surfing the web for pretty stuffs I wanna buy. Sighh. When will my mugger mode switch on again...? I'm gonna get desperate really soon...exams in less than 3weeks! *freaks

I should really be getting back to work huh. Damn behind in my schedule! Freak la. Hate exams man. I'm never ever prepared! Except maybe in pri 1 and 2. >_<

Comm mgmt's calling out to me...gotta go prepare for tmr's in-class assignment just in case I suffer a block tmr and nth comes to mind when I'm supposed to write the memo. Ta..

me
scribbled at
9:02 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Wednesday, March 22, 2006
4:33 AM
Almost 4.30am! Ahh! What am I doing awake?! >_<

Chatting to jy on msn now cos' both of us are simply too awake for god know's what reason. Adrenaline high! But on what, I don't know. Haha. Must sleep soon! Thank goodness tmr's my free day. Can afford to wake later haha. But ohh crap, supposed to give cz a wakeup call at 7am! That's like 2.5hrs from now. Better pray hard I can wake up, if not I'll cause him to be late for sch! Yikes.

Listening to beauty and the beast now! The one tjcsb played for prelude 2004...I still think it's the nicest version I've ever heard. Cos' it has the magical tj sound..the feel...sighh. I miss tj so much..the band..my section..2903..even the uniform and sch campus... =(

Anyways...just came online to blog abit hoping I will fall aslp soon after this..but listening to beauty and the beast brings back so many memories...which are flooding my mind now. Together with emotions..how to sleep liddat? And it reminds me of laoba too...so long nvr contact him liao..I miss talking to him man. Must really contact him soon one day...before he enlists and we get even less chances to talk and meet up...

Okay, shall attempt to sleep soon...must psycho jy also! Haha.

JY GO AND SLEEP! =p

me
scribbled at
4:33 AM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Tuesday, March 21, 2006
1:39 AM
I know I should be slping now since my laundry is done and all, and seeing how I just blogged barely an hour ago..but I just have this urge to blog again. About something in particular now, not just random blogging.

Was talking to my dear roomie..one of our random conversations. Haha. Can't rmb how it started, but we got to the topic of dying..and no, I'm not going to start blogging about some morbid thoughts on death. Haha. She said that if she were to die now, she wouldn't mind. Or sth along those lines la. In short, roomie wun have any regrets cos' she feels that she's done all she wants so, seen enough to last her, and she's happy with her life. So happy that even death isn't gonna make a difference.

I was quite taken aback by her declaration..cos' I won't be able to say that. Definitely not now, when I'm just a 20year old, not even of the legal age yet. Yet there goes my roomie saying she's alright with dying young..how many pple can acty say that with absolute honesty?

I don't wanna die young..not now anyway. There are so many things I've yet to see, to experience, so many places I've yet to go, pple I've yet to meet, things I've yet to learn..so so many. How can I just die and leave all these hopes and dreams and wishes unfulfilled? I won't be able to leave without regrets, honestly.

I want to travel the world..ski on the swiss alps, shop in spain, play among cherry blossoms in japan, have a white christmas in a winter wonderland...so many more places. Watch the sunrise from another part of the world..sit by a fireplace somewhere with my mug of hot chocolate and marshmallows..live in the countryside which my parents love..stay on a farm and waking up to sounds like oink oink, moooo, quack quack...

I don't know how unrealistic all of these sound. But they're places I wanna go to, things I wanna see and experience. I wanna watch my sister grow up, see the kind of person she will become (haha), witness if we're going to get closer and bond better as sisters..I wanna be there for my daddy and mummy, support them all the way, give them the best of everything, anything they want. Be by their side always..I love my family too much to give them up. And to me, death is a way of forcing me to leave the ones I love. I don't want that...all my friends and relatives too..

Do I sound very idealistic? The way I go about it, I might as well create a paradise for myself and the pple around me, like a never-never-land..where we won't ever have to grow old, go through sickness and death, be separated from the ones we hold close to our hearts...

And there are many many things I wanna try! I wanna feel the thrill of skydiving, climb a mountain, any mountain also can..and...and I dunno what la. Just so many. Everything's a whirlpool in my mind now, I can't stop them long enough to focus and type out my thoughts here. I wanna find a guy whom I love alot alot...and who loves me alot alot too...enough to die for me. Like how I have no qualms dying for my parents. Haha. So unrealistic right. Like those fairytales with a happy ending..I want a happy ending too. I guess I'll be happy just to fall in love once, truly in love, the earth-shattering kind where there's no yesterday and tomorrow, only now. Where everyday feels like falling in love all over again. I don't know if I'll ever experience that kind of love. But I'm happy enough with the love from my family and friends. *smiles

Oops I think I just deviated from my orginal topic again. Haha. But well, my point is just that I feel I have a long way ahead, a limitless future ahead, filled with all sorts of possibilities and surprises..that's life. The day I know I truly have no regrets will be the day I will die happy. Really happy. For now, I just admire my roomie for being able to say what I can't say. But at least she's happy all the time! Or, most times anw. Haha. Stay happy my dear roomie! Your smile lights up many pple's lives. =) Acty, everyone, just stay happy! Live your life to the fullest..cos' you'll never know what might happen the next moment. If in the event you really hafta leave this world one day, leave everything behind, everyone you love...at least leave with happiness and a smile on your face. =)

me
scribbled at
1:39 AM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

12:35 AM
Yet another wasted day today...sighh.

At least I've finally gotten ob sharing over and done with! Haha. Slept through most part of econs lec as usual; tell me what's new. But I managed to stay awake and even copy notes up till break. After that, the aircon was so cold it put me to sleep. Lol. *hibernation.

Super unproductive. Really need to get stuffs done soon. Exams in 3weeks!! Shitshitshit.

Sometimes don't you just wonder how two pple can be so different yet get along together? For me, maybe that statement holds true to a certain extent, for a certain period of time. But in the long run..I won't be able to take it. All my frens know that I'm the kind of impulsive person who doesn't always plan things in advance. If I feel like it, I'll suddenly ask them out for a meal or go shopping or just simply hang out tgther. I won't find out what day are they free then go and plan something in advance..I mean, unless it's sth like a big gathering; then of course must plan ahead and make sure everyone can make it.

I guess the bottomline is, I like myself the way I am, like things the way they are, like how my life goes. I like it that I don't plan ahead for everything. I like the sudden rush of wanting to ask a fren out to talk, to chat, to shop. I like it when frens ask me out without prior warning (assuming that I'm free, of course). I just don't like to plan my life down to every single detail. I'm a messy person, a disorganised person, but I do plan things that have to be planned. Exam revision schedules, major gatherings with family and frens, balancing homework and band committments..just not everything. And I don't intend to become a total planner. I like things the way they are.

Don't ask me what got me started on this; I just happened to let my mind wander and it decided to settle upon this topic tonight. Maybe some pple out there won't agree with my thinking, with what I say, with what I do. But that's the way I am, the way I've always been, and the way I'll continue to be. I don't see the need to change this for anyone or any reason, unless...well. Unless. I'll blog about it if that day comes. Haha.

Anyway! Just realised this entry is really quite rubbish and I dunno what I'm talking about. From starting with how two pple can be so different yet get along together? to I don't intend to become a total planner. Like no link hor. Haha. Drat, I'm getting nonsensical. *faints. I think what I meant to say is, while I'm not an extremist in this area, I doubt I can get along with anyone who's an extremist of either side in the long run. Whether that person is a stickler for planning things to the most minute detail, or one who hecks all and does every single thing on impulse. So I say, I will never make a good leader. Too disorganised. Haha.

Okay enough on this topic, yours truly here is stuck in a dilemma!!

Friday: Angela Chang campus concert. I think I prob can get a ticket.

But then!!

Serena dear saw that I was in a little angsty mood, plus my msn nick read: - geri - i want to shop damn badly!!!. So, she suggested a shopping trip on fri to let me buy all I want, spend my moolah on useless stuffs, just so to make me happy cos' I'll finally be getting the retail therapy that I've been craving for. Ohh! And to top off shopping with a chillout session at the balcony!

What's a girl like me gonna do?? Go for the concert I've been looking forward to or indulge myself in retail therapy?

Choices, choices. Haiyo.

me
scribbled at
12:35 AM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Monday, March 20, 2006
3:20 AM
Oh no oh no oh no. It's freaking 3am and I'm still wide awake!!! How now brown cow..I have ob project meeting in 7hrs time, and given the 1hr buffer I need to stop overslping..I won't be able to wake up! Confirm guarantee plus chop.

I need to slp I need to slp...but why am I not sleepy. Urgh. Must be the shower..woke me up lots. Drat, super behind my revision schedule and I forgot about ob knowledge sharing till today cos' I've been pia-ing IT and ob proj writeup. Shiat. Contemplating whether or not to go for tut tmr. Quite pointless acty, and econs after that puts me to sleep too. Now waitaminute. Geri stop skipping classes! *mental slap

Oh no I hate my complexion it sucks to the core of I dunno what. Shit man, once breakout starts, it just gets worse and worse. I hate looking at the mirror, hate going out, hate the stupid acne that keep coming and never going. Why why why. Just when the doc gave me the all-clear and told me I can stop going back to nsc..why?? So many years and the prob is still here..everytime it seems to get better, it will inevitably get so bad till I go back and say hi to the doc again. Urgh. I really cannot stand it...my mummy keeps telling me last time hers was worse and blah..hereditary stuffs suck suck suck! Hate it hate it! Please go away and leave me alone...get out of my life..I really envy those pple with flawless complexions and start to worry their heads off when they see one minuscule pimple on their face. They will never understand the feelings of pple like me..and it's not by my choice either. I bet my skincare regime can beat many pple out there lor. Yet I still suffer from them endlessly. Tmd.

Mood spoiler. Damn pissed man..hate this condition. But I'm so sick and tired of eating that medicine that either help temporarily or don't help. Guess I really hafta stop my late nights and lifestyle and diet and all kinds of shiat I'm piling on my body. But it's so damn freaking hard to slp before 12 in hall. Compromised with daddy and told him I'll try to get to bed by 12. Today's only mon and my promise is broken already. Okay okay, try from tmr! Hai.

Gonna dry my hair then it's lights-out...

me
scribbled at
3:20 AM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

.girl in question.
[geri]
[turned twenty ONE on 28th jan!]
[aquarian]
[shopaholic]
[ij to tj to nbs]
[crazy moments]
[can be a biatch]
[2903]

.adores.
[rainbow] [stars]
[trumpet] [sunshine]
[monokuro boo] [tigger]
[shopping] [candy empire]
[family and friends*hugs*]

.take note.
nothing for now.all in my head.

.wants.
|i just want YOU to be alright. recover soon please..|

.current loves.
||my family||

.darlings.
amala amanda amy anneson benji berenice candice cherish cheryl chih lin christina cindy corinne daniel darren dawn deborah dern eileen elayne gerald guanyu huiteng huixun jasmine jeannie jiabao jieying jinyuan joan kingman layleng lianya luther marinah melf mitchelle neo nina ntusb pamela peiqin pyrite's blog sheryl tow boon vanessa wenhui yifen youwei ziyun

.click on them.
baumhouse birks- gso birks- jestel kg friendster haloscan hollister hyper-act! michael phelps club naturlich footshop orisinal who lives near you

.memories.
|tjband|
[syf 2003]
[prelude XXIII]
[prelude XXIV]
[trumpet section 2003]
[band thailand trip]
[trumpet section outing]
[wasbe 2003]
|2903|
[prom 2004!]
[class outing to beach]
[2903 album]
[sentosa]
|iras|
[concen TCOs]
|ij clique|
[bbq at bern's house]