.shut me out from this world.

Friday, November 18, 2005

12:31 AM

I dunno how to describe today. Whether good or bad.

Slept super duper late last night. Abt 4am. Then had to wake up early to pack up and go home so that I'd be in time to meet yk, wy, wt and jas to celebrate wt's bday at suntec kbox. Was out of hall by 10plus, but due to the crazy amt of barang I had to bring back, ended up waiting almost half an hour for a cab even though I actually made a booking. In the end, the cab that I took wasn't even the one I booked. At least that saved me a 2bucks booking fee.

Rushed home to dump stuff then went out to meet wy to buy wt a birthday cake to surprise him while kboxing. Everything was alright at first...after we all met up, we went in to sing. My first time kboxing with the 4 of them..they sing really well. I sound like a strangled crow in comparison while the 4 of them all knew a wide variety of songs and could sing all. They seem to even know the mtvs by heart and what would come at what part. Plus dance actions. Tell me what to do there la. Sing rubbish and spoil the whole thing? Obviously not. So I just diam diam sat there for the most part. Tried to, but rather unsuccessfully.

About halfway through, they got the idea that I was quite a hopeless at kbox. Given my limited knowledge of songs, it wasn't surprising that at least 4/5 of whatever they picked and urged me to sing, I could barely catch the tune. They're too pro for me la, all sing w/o the actual accompaniment. While I can understand that they were trying to make me feel less bored and to encourage me to sing, I didn't like the atmosphere. I mean, there I am trying to just sit and listen to them sing, learn new songs, watch mtvs, and they kept asking me to sing almost any song I possibly knew, to try and sing almost every other song. Their intentions were good, but it wasn't what I wanted. After about 2hrs of that, I started feeling damn sick and regretted going. So much for telling yk last night that I like going kbox. I do like, but I'm used to singing at my slow pace, finishing an entire song and not just 'ejecting' them after 3/4 of it. And I tend to let the rest pick their songs, contributing a few here and there, and singing whatever I know. If not, I usually just sit back and attempt to sing along. I see nothing wrong in doing that. But it felt so wrong today. I just felt that out of place la. I dunno what to say also.

Seems like with each time I go out with them, I feel more and more ill at ease. They're very nice pple, but I dun think they can be the close friends I'd hoped to make at uni. Anw, since I'm in biz and they're in acctancy, chances of us spending time tgther in sch will only get slimmer with every sem that passes. As it is, I almost nvr see them in sch anyway. So I might as well just not bother anymore. Because of my og, I pang seh-ed my tutorial pple so many times at the beginning of the sem. Now that they more or less have formed cliques, I belong to nowhere again. And the same thing goes for me in my og. Pple seem to think I'm close to wy and jas, but that's only true for wy and jas. Maybe at the beginning we were closer. But now..I'm drifting from them and I dunno why. My fault again? Why do I always seem to be the one at fault when it comes to things like this.

It's so ironic, there was once when jas was saying sth along the lines of three's a crowd. I guessed that she was referring to the 3 of us. At that time, her concern was that among the 3 of us, there may be someone who would feel left out at times. Cos', no matter how pple say it, three is indeed a crowd. Just so happens that her concern wasn't unfounded after all. I'm that extra figure lor. As always.

That's why I hate to go out in odd numbers. There will always be someone left out. When it's not me, I feel bad for that person. But usually, it's me. I dunno issit just me or what la. I can try my best to enter the conversation, but I still end up as an extra. So after awhile, I'll just give up and be a wallflower, entertain myself. Usually by listening to them talk and wondering what they are talking about.

I really felt terrible halfway at kbox la, truth be told. In addition to being a step away from turning into ice (stupid me forgot my jacket), I was very tired cos' of my lack of sleep. Didn't help that the mike was being pushed to me about once every 2 songs. I dun think I've ever said so many "no's" in a day before. Sighh. At least the rest enjoyed themselves though. I felt quite bad too, seeing how hard they were trying to include me in the singing, but I really just couldn't catch la. And once that kind of mood sets in, the more hyper they get, the more down I get. I'm pms-ing.

In the end, I tahan until they finished kboxing then left for home. Wanted to leave halfway but I thought that might not seem too nice. Didn't wanna join them for dinner and arcade, cos' I knew I wouldn't enjoy myself. Can predict liao, if I went, I'd be the silent one for the rest of the outing. Machiam invisible liddat. So might as well not go right.

Maybe it's really my own attitude. I dunno la. But the feeling of not knowing what everyone else knows and talk about, of not being able to keep up with their conversation and train of thought, really sucks to the core. Am I that laggy. In this case, songs mah. I can bet that if it comes to band songs, I beat them hands down. Cos' that's what I've been listening to the past 6yrs, concentrating on, what I enjoy. I like kbox type of songs too, but I just listen to them when I do. I'm not blessed with a good enough memory to rmb the tune and lyrics of the songs I hear, neither am I blessed with a good voice for singing. So I'm content with my bandmusic.

Even as I'm typing this entry, I feel like crying. I dunno why. Partly cos' I'm tired, partly cos' I think I'm pms-ing. The main reason...I dun wanna talk abt it liao. Maybe I shd just keep to myself and be a loner. It's so hard to keep up with a grp of pple. They called tdy's grp a small grp, and already I'm having helluva problems. Problems that only I know and feel. I guess I can be my own best friend. After all, who understands me better than myself?

I couldn't stop the tears after all. *cries

"Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day
It's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart" - Reflection

me
scribbled at
12:31 AM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Thursday, November 17, 2005

3:19 AM

Exams are finally o-v-e-r!!

Had the dreaded fm ppr today...let's just say that after the ppr ended, seeing the invigilators collect our pprs...I was far from happy. Really. On the contrary, I was quite down and gloomy. Got even more upset when kc told me in his sms that 10 out of 10 pple he asked said the ppr was easy. That was the problem. It was far from easy for me. As in, really. I know the questions weren't difficult. But I just went there and completely forgot all the formulae and theory which I had tried to store in my head. So I sat staring at the qns, agonisingly trying to recall but without success.

Anyway, enough abt exams. They're over. I just wanna play and have some fun before the results come back. I foresee the worst xmas gift ever coming my way this year...sighh.

Had og dinner after the ppr..when I came back to hall, I didn't really feel like going somehow. Just felt quite jialat. But I still went la. And boy, am I glad I went. The turnout was surprisingly good. One of the best turnouts for an og outing so far I think. Considering it was so last min. Guess everyone just wanted to take the chance to relax and play after exams are finally over..

We wanted to go glass house fish&co, but apparently it was under renovation. So we went to suntec's fish&co instead. Shared a seafood platter for two with jieying and weiyun, and also a mermaid freeze, which was this super huge glass of mango-carrot fruit juice. I like! Haha. And my fav seafood platter too! It's absolutely yummilicious! Ohh, and, by coincidence, I was just reading this page in cleo abt comfort foods. Under the heading for girls feeling gloomy (which was me after the ppr), the "happy meal" cleo suggested is "fruitjuice with a drop of flaxseed oil", and "seafood platter"! Exactly what I ate for dinner! Minus the flaxseed oil part la. I think it really works wonders. It totally perked me up. Jas was saying she's nvr seen me so hyper before. But I wasn't my most hyper tdy. Looks like to my og pple, I'm the kind of not-so-noisy-and-hyper but rather quiet type of person. Really not quite me leh. No way to change the impression, since I'm mostly liddat in front of them. Think it really depends on who I'm with and my mood la. With the band pple...I'm just plain nuts and siao. The way I like. And just simply me. =)

Enough digression.

After dinner, we walked around, some pple left, whether to club or catch a movie with friends or go home. The rest of us walked to marina square to catch a movie, but sadly, no movies available! Forgot that tdy's a weekday...sighh. In the end, after thinking long and hard abt wad to do and where to go, we went back home. Or rather, hall, in my case. Boss was like trying to think of the different things to do. We just didn't wanna go back. But in the end, we still went back la. So here I am, still sitting here at 3am in the morning, blogging away. Cos' I can't get to sleep! Going home tmr..with alot alot of things to bring back! Seriously contemplating if I shd take a cab home. It'll be damn freaking ex, but at least I know I won't, like, drop my laptop on my way home or sth. I have simply too much barang liao. No car really quite jialat. But a cab from boon lay to toa payoh...the fare can kill, really. Oh man...damn tough decision la...to take or not to take, that is the qns...

Okay, think I shd really get to bed liao. If not, no way of taking up tmr to go home early. Must leave hall by 10am latest! Or I'll be late...the cab dilemma can wait. I'll see if I can balance my barang barang while leaving hall tmr. Haha.

Geri is a happy girl again. =) Nites everyone! Ohh yar! I almost forgot.

HAPPY 21st BIRTHDAY WEITING!!!

me
scribbled at
3:19 AM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

.girl in question.
[geri]
[turned twenty ONE on 28th jan!]
[aquarian]
[shopaholic]
[ij to tj to nbs]
[crazy moments]
[can be a biatch]
[2903]

.adores.
[rainbow] [stars]
[trumpet] [sunshine]
[monokuro boo] [tigger]
[shopping] [candy empire]
[family and friends*hugs*]

.take note.
nothing for now.all in my head.

.wants.
|i just want YOU to be alright. recover soon please..|

.current loves.
||my family||

.darlings.
amala amanda amy anneson benji berenice candice cherish cheryl chih lin christina cindy corinne daniel darren dawn deborah dern eileen elayne gerald guanyu huiteng huixun jasmine jeannie jiabao jieying jinyuan joan kingman layleng lianya luther marinah melf mitchelle neo nina ntusb pamela peiqin pyrite's blog sheryl tow boon vanessa wenhui yifen youwei ziyun

.click on them.
baumhouse birks- gso birks- jestel kg friendster haloscan hollister hyper-act! michael phelps club naturlich footshop orisinal who lives near you

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