Wednesday, October 19, 2005
5:04 PM
Today's another lousy day...from after lunch till now, that is. Sighh.

Accounting tutorial had me all stressed up last night. It topped everything off when I realised I did the wrong tutorial. Then I spent the next 2hrs staring blankly at the correct tutorial and not knowing how to do anything. Sucks. Finally managed to get started on sth...but I was so damn freaking tired, I just simply couldn't focus. I really felt like just crying there and then. Sob my heart out cos' everything's just so completely overwhelming. It made things worse knowing that the tutorial was gonna be my ticket to class today. Mrs tien said she was gonna check every single person's tutorial and if we didn't do it, we couldn't go for class. By the 2nd qns, I was utterly gone. Wrote a few lines and went to slp. Really couldn't take it.

As it turns out, she did check everyone's tutorial. Luckily I completed the 1st qns and attempted the 2nd. So I didn't get chased out of class. No one did.

Last night was jialat la..my msn nick reflected it too. Sorry to make you pple worry..thanks for talking to me and trying to make me feel better. Exam period always gets me all worked up and not myself. Ate dinner with yun they all last night, and I hardly spoke a word too. Sorry sorry...appeared so dao and heck..but I really didn't wanna talk last night. Thanks for understanding...

Met kengchuan for lunch after accting tdy. First time meeting up with him since we left iras..as in, really meeting up to eat and all that. I miss crapping with him. Haha. We were just talking about sch and everything else over lunch..feels good to be able to take a break of some sort. Then he walked me back to hall and took a bus back...every guy shd learn from him. He seems damn crap but he's really a gentleman. Though I'd nvr tell him that. Haha.

Then after I got back hall, my cramps worsened and I ended up popping panadol..went to rest with a hot waterbottle but didn't help very much. Really couldn't take it at one point and I simply rushed to the toilet and threw my lunch up. Damn xinku..the toilet so far..my cramps hurt so bad..I wanted to just die in the toilet. After that, slept fitfully on and off while hoping the cramps would go away and nvr come back..woke up not too long ago and realised I wasted 3hrs liddat. All my plans gone down the drain again...sighh. Why must I cramp so badly almost every mth...? Why why why...nth ever seems to help..doctors dun help..panadol losing effect..speaking of which, I can feel the cramps coming back soon again. Time to suffer hell once more..

Okay, better get back to hitting the books before the torture starts again. Cos' once it starts, I'm an absolute goner. The day will end at that time...then I'll have wasted my entire day again..

me
scribbled at
5:04 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Sunday, October 16, 2005
9:21 PM
I miss my home! =(

Back in hall liao, and I feel really homesick. Or rather, family-sick. If there's such a thing. Daddy, mummy and cheryl left barely 30mins ago and I already miss them. Alot. =(

Never felt so homesick before..I dun wanna stay in hall! Dun wanna go sch...just wanna spend everyday with my family, like I did today. Even if it meant I didn't get to study for tmr's FM, it's worth it. Sunday's the only day we get to spend together...sighh. 1 day in an entire week just isn't right.

Didn't wanna see them go just now..then after they left, I heard a knock on my door.Iimagine the joy I felt when I opened the door and saw daddy. Haha. He came back to tell me he got bitten by a mozzie downstairs and to tell me to be careful. And to close the door. So hot! But daddy say wan, so must listen. =) Thank you for taking the trouble to come back up and tell me, daddy. And for sending me to hall every single week without a word of complaint whatsoever. And mummy and cheryl too! I love you! *muacks

Gonna fail tmr's test..so sure of it. Sighh. No matter how I read FM, I just simply cannot understand. Dun even talk about those formulas. They're absolute hell. >_<

Had dinner with my extended family just now..ling jiejie's treat! Cos' she got her first paycheck. Thanks! =) Dinner was great. Food's good, but what's better is the feeling of everyone gathered together. Recently, it's becoming more and more clear to me just how impt they are to me. My family and relatives. Without them, I really wun be able to live on. And I also learnt, the hard way, how we should never wait till it's too late to treasure someone. Cherish all those ard you, pple. You never know when they will leave you and never come back again. I'm really so afraid of that. Life and death is a cycle we all must go through. But the end of it is always so painful. Having faced it twice, I really dun ever wanna face it again. But that day will surely come. Anw, what a sad topic. Dun wanna think of it now. Just wanna treasure my dearest family and relatives and friends around me.

Gotta get back to FM. Sighh. Wish me luck...

me
scribbled at
9:21 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

2:29 AM
Reflection

Look at me
You may think you see
Who I really am
But you'll never know me
Every day
It's as if I play a part
Now I see
If I wear a mask
I can fool the world
But I cannot fool my heart

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

I am now
In a world where I
Have to hide my heart
And what I believe in
But somehow I will show the world
What's inside my heart
And be loved for who I am

Who is that girl I see
Staring straight back at me?
Why is my reflection
Someone I don't know?
Must I pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

There's a heart that must be
Free to fly
That burns with a need to know
The reason why

Why must we all conceal
What we think, how we feel?
Must there be a secret me
I'm forced to hide?
I won't pretend that I'm
Someone else for all time
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?
When will my reflection show
Who I am inside?

me
scribbled at
2:29 AM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

.girl in question.
[geri]
[turned twenty ONE on 28th jan!]
[aquarian]
[shopaholic]
[ij to tj to nbs]
[crazy moments]
[can be a biatch]
[2903]

.adores.
[rainbow] [stars]
[trumpet] [sunshine]
[monokuro boo] [tigger]
[shopping] [candy empire]
[family and friends*hugs*]

.take note.
nothing for now.all in my head.

.wants.
|i just want YOU to be alright. recover soon please..|

.current loves.
||my family||

.darlings.
amala amanda amy anneson benji berenice candice cherish cheryl chih lin christina cindy corinne daniel darren dawn deborah dern eileen elayne gerald guanyu huiteng huixun jasmine jeannie jiabao jieying jinyuan joan kingman layleng lianya luther marinah melf mitchelle neo nina ntusb pamela peiqin pyrite's blog sheryl tow boon vanessa wenhui yifen youwei ziyun

.click on them.
baumhouse birks- gso birks- jestel kg friendster haloscan hollister hyper-act! michael phelps club naturlich footshop orisinal who lives near you

.memories.
|tjband|
[syf 2003]
[prelude XXIII]
[prelude XXIV]
[trumpet section 2003]
[band thailand trip]
[trumpet section outing]
[wasbe 2003]
|2903|
[prom 2004!]
[class outing to beach]
[2903 album]
[sentosa]
|iras|
[concen TCOs]
|ij clique|
[bbq at bern's house]