.shut me out from this world.

Saturday, August 27, 2005

12:30 PM

Went for breakfast with Darren just now! All the way to Westmall just to eat BK breakfast! Haha. Then slept over at Elaine's room last night..lucky she nvr kick me off the bed! Or I'll take revenge lor. I think I kicked sth off the bed last night though. Lol.

Ytd was in a lousy mood...sorry if I made some pple wonder what happened to me. Thanks for your concern though! Made me feel lots better. =)

I think I shall reply to my tags here. Haha.

Jeannie* Hey dearie, thx so much k? I know you're always here for me...just like how I'm always here for you too! Miss you loads...lets meet up soon k...really so long nvr see you le. =(

Ziyun:* Hey..thx thx yar..super long havent met up with u and the rest liao! kind of miss our iras days...tkkaire yar? *huggs

Da ren* no need masking tape lor, and I know u're a good listener. you're da hao ren! =) xie xie! breakfast was nicee too! =))

I do haf wonderful frens by my side. Just that maybe in my sadness sometimes, I'm kind of deluded. Thanks for being there for me dearies. *huggs

me
scribbled at
12:30 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Thursday, August 25, 2005

9:25 PM

I hate cramps. ='(

That dreaded time of the month again...dun understand why am I always one of those unlucky girls who suffer like hell every mth. Damn jialat. Feeling like the shittiest piece of crap on earth, not being able to sit or stand still, not even having the energy to care if the sky drops down, hurting so much that I'd cry and throw up...it's not normal. Definitely a cause for alarm once the throwing-up part comes in. But what can I do? Just keep popping panadol lor. Which is starting to lose its effect. =(

Damn sad. =(((

Finally handed in the written report tdy. I think it's a piece of rubbish. I wonder if my group even answered the qns on the right track. Well, at least we managed to complete it and hand it in nicely. All binded and everything. But just wait till the marker opens it up. >_<

I think I really can't click with my tutorial group pple. Not even my own project group. It's like really super sad case. Maybe sometimes I've been around frens I know well for so long that I've started taking certain things for granted. It's very normal (to me) for frens to help one another. Throw away plates after eating, pass the tissue around, even just saying bye bye when we're going home. My group does none of the above. They are so individualistic that I find it scary. And we have nth to say to each other. Even when I try to make small talk, they just wun respond. Okay, 2 pple in particular esp. Am I really so hard to get along with that they dun even wanna respond? =(

Even better (or worse?) still, that day we were doing project in the canteen. I came back with a hot drink, then me, being the ever klutzy one, just had to spill the hot tea on my hand plus my papers. Imagine, in such a situation, if you're the one looking on, won't you kind of reflexively try to help? Or at least take out tissue? But no. My dear group members looked over, saw the situation I was, which was then made worse when I dropped my tissue, and decided that they didn't see anything. And continued as if I wasn't even there. Like what the fuck la. I was really damn pissed at that moment, seriously. If it were me, I'd definitely help without thinking lor. I'm not saying I'm a damn nice person or a super helpful girl, but really, isn't that the very least one can do? I'd even do it for a stranger, let alone a fren I know! Sian la. I really felt so...demoralised then. Like, nth I do can ever bring the group tgther. =(

Dun wanna think about it liao. My cramps are more impt at this point in time. ='(

I'm really very very sad suddenly.I dunno why. It's like life is going all wrong again. Nothing is going my way. I feel like I'm losing all my frens. Even if they may physically be around me. Losing sense of what's going on. Losing the dynamic and crazy side of me. Okay, so maybe I haven't shown that part of me very often. But at least it was there before. Just waiting to surface. Now, I dun even know if I can feel hyper again. And it's not all due to cramps that I'm feeling this way. Not entirely pms.

I just feel like I'm losing control of my life. I'm so tired of trying so hard. If I dun try, no one will. That's the feeling I get. Often. Since coming uni, I haven't had the time to try like I used to. I'm tired of that now. Of being nice. Of trying to appear happy and dynamic when deep inside me, what I really wanna do is to curl up alone on my bed and cry. I really wish at times that I have a best fren I can turn to. Close frens I have. But how close? How many will really be there for me when I need someone to talk to? How many can truly understand how I feel when I utter a single sentence? When I'm upset and I need someone to talk to, half the time, the frens I turn to try to laugh it off and pretend everything is fine, when wad I really want is for them to listen to what I have to say. Just lend me a listening ear and I'll be happy. Is that too much to ask for?

I dunno la. I really dunno. I'm too tired to care now. So tired. Cramps hurt. Hate them. Hate them so much. Like I hate my life. Hope it'll all end soon. =(

me
scribbled at
9:25 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Tuesday, August 23, 2005

1:40 PM

Supposed to be doing research for accounting project now, but I'm quite sian diao. Had this urge to blog so here I am.

Haven't felt like blogging much in a long while. I miss those days when I could just camp out in front of my comp for hours on end, blogging abt whatever struck my fancy and surfing all my frens' blogs. Maybe it's cos' I've been busier since sch started. But I've really lost the feeling of what it's like to blog. =(

Feel as though I'm super out of touch with everyone in my life. All my frens..IJ clique, my 2903 darlings, my charm girls...sighh. Thought it would be quite easy to keep in touch and all that, seeing how almost everyone is in either ntu or nus. But I haven't even met up with those studying in the same sch as me! And ntu really isn't all that big till we dun even have a chance to meet up for awhile.

Is it just me? I feel like I'm not making enough effort. But sometimes, timetables really clash and no matter how I really wanna go out with them, I just can't. Boohoo.

Since coming to ntu, I've been caught up with all things pyrite. Dun get me wrong; I love my og, I really do. I feel so damn lucky to have found the bunch of them as frens. Even if I'm not close to each person individually, I really cherish the friendships and bond we share as an og. I'm really so so so glad that I didn't back out of FOC as I originally intended. If I did, I'd be leading such a sad and un-happening life in sch now. Haha.

I dun have the motivation to study either. I really despair whenever I attempt to do my tutorials. Esp accounting. I feel so hopelessly lost looking at all the debits and credits, what journal entries, t-accounts and trial balances. Really lost. It's only the 5th week of sch, and already I've gotten super stressed up over work like at least 3times. Everytime I go to class, I have to wonder if I'm the stupid one or is everyone else just too smart and hardworking such that they all know how to do the qns. Except me. ='(

I keep telling myself I'm gonna catch up with my work soon, really really soon. I'm lying to myself again. Sighh. It's, like, with every lecture that passes, every tutorial conducted, I feel myself falling deeper and deeper into this dark, bottomless abyss that spells death. Sadness.

Hope I can get out of this bleakness soon and start working harder. Don't have much time left if I wanna start catching up from scratch. Thankfully, I have many pple helping me though. Snrs who lend me their stacks of notes, who try to tutor me and help me understand concepts, frens who give up their free time to do tutorials with me cos' I dun understand how to do at all...I'm really very lucky. And I feel bad that I dun seem to be reciprocating their efforts the way I should. I promise to try harder k. Push myself to the limits. I really hafta stop slacking my days away already. Be a mugger toad! Haha. But really, thx so much pple. I would be worse than lost if I didn't haf you all to help me. *huggs

me
scribbled at
1:40 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

.girl in question.
[geri]
[turned twenty ONE on 28th jan!]
[aquarian]
[shopaholic]
[ij to tj to nbs]
[crazy moments]
[can be a biatch]
[2903]

.adores.
[rainbow] [stars]
[trumpet] [sunshine]
[monokuro boo] [tigger]
[shopping] [candy empire]
[family and friends*hugs*]

.take note.
nothing for now.all in my head.

.wants.
|i just want YOU to be alright. recover soon please..|

.current loves.
||my family||

.darlings.
amala amanda amy anneson benji berenice candice cherish cheryl chih lin christina cindy corinne daniel darren dawn deborah dern eileen elayne gerald guanyu huiteng huixun jasmine jeannie jiabao jieying jinyuan joan kingman layleng lianya luther marinah melf mitchelle neo nina ntusb pamela peiqin pyrite's blog sheryl tow boon vanessa wenhui yifen youwei ziyun

.click on them.
baumhouse birks- gso birks- jestel kg friendster haloscan hollister hyper-act! michael phelps club naturlich footshop orisinal who lives near you

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