Thursday, May 05, 2005
10:32 PM
TJBAND GOT GOLD WITH HONOURS AND TOP 2!!!

Omg, I'm like super happy can! Congrats my darling jnrs! You all did absolutely GREAT! Definitely lived up to expectations; I just knew you all can do it. =))) All your efforts finally paid off! You all totally deserve it, really. I'm soooo proud of you all! *smiles

I was close to a wreck today haha. Which is weird, seeing how I'm not even the one going for syf. I'm just rooting for my band, my jnrs. I couldn't concentrate on work sia. Went to the extent of logging out for so long just to call Fidia so that I could hear tjband play. Super muffled and definitely not an accurate 'recording', but I couldn't care less. Haha. Mandy was saying I'm way obsessive over it. I...well. I'm not too sure how to explain. Maybe cos' I wanted for them to do well so badly. Having missed out by such a small margin on the top band title 2 years back. Which I still think should have been ours. But anyway. My jnrs did us proud! We all know why huh. =))

It's really quite ironic. I was never exactly a prominent figure in band. Yet I have so much feelings for it. I wasn't even anywhere near to being called a good player. As compared to the rest. Yet, what I can say is that I really really love tjband. I gave my all, put in my best effort, even if it may have been insignificant as compared to others'. I suppose many pple would think I like band, yes, but not love it or what. But the truth is, like I said, I do love tjband. I did, I still do, and I always will. Although I was never quite part of the 'in' clique, I did get along with them la. It's just that I was always more of on the sidelines kind. It's quite hard to penetrate a group when you're on your own right from the beginning. I got along with them, but never became part of them. That's okay. As long as we're all part of the same band, like one family, everyone working towards the same goal, that's enough. =]

Whether I'm there anot doesn't really seem to matter. I mean, even if I were to go back every now and then, they dun really notice la. I'm fine with that. I just want to go back once in a while to hear them play, to know that they are still as good, continually improving, playing with one heart and soul as a band. That would be the most reasonable reason for me to go back. I can't possibly go back to teach them. I'm not qualified, plus, my own jnrs are way better than me. All I want to do is to always stand by and just root for them. I'm not being obsessive, Mandy. I just love my band. Whether they know it or not. =] So, it's enough to just feel as though I'm joining them for syf too. Not in person, but in spirit. *smiles

Ah well. Anyway, here's the results!

ACJC: Gold
HCJC: Silver
NYJC: Silver
MJC: Gold
JJC: Silver
PJC: Gold
NJC: Gold with honours
VJC: Gold
TPJC: Gold
RJC: Gold
SRJC: Silver
SAJC: Gold with honours
TJC: Gold with honours =)))
AJC: Silver
Presentation at Esplanade: TJC and SAJC

I'm not trying to gloat here. But I'm so so so glad that despite playing the same piece as rj, tjband really proved themselves and emerged the winner. We finally beat rj flat! You can say I'm mean, petty, whatever you like. But a fact is a fact which you can't change. Tjband has been consistently good every syf. No top band 2 years ago. But we're still top 2 this year. And years before. That's good enough. Tjband, best band, will forever be the chosen! =)))

me
scribbled at
10:32 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Wednesday, May 04, 2005
11:56 PM
Tmr's jcband syf. Oh man. I miss band. I miss syf. Wish I could go.

Although I know they're zai, they're good, I can't help feeling...nervous? Somehow. It's such a big event la. Okay, shan't waste time yakking.

All the best my dear jnrs! Tjband will always be top! Jiayou! =))

GO TJBAND!!!

me
scribbled at
11:56 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Sunday, May 01, 2005
6:45 PM
Sitting at home now when instead I should be out. All thanks to my usual monthly torture. Have I said this before? I'm sure I have.

I HATE CRAMPS!

That aside. I'm really just so relieved that it's a 3day weekend. And that the stupid filing dateline is over. Having to handle monday blues week after week at work is seriously taking it's toll on me. I dun even feel happy anymore. I'm just another one of those mechanical robots who wake up every morning at 7, go to work at 8, sit there and answer phonecalls automatically without even thinking of the answer, it's just all so routine and...dead.

I can't imagine having to work fulltime after graduation next time. Life is so ironic. When I was 9, I thought that an adult's life simply rocked my socks. Freedom to do whatever they wanted. No incessant nagging from parents and teachers alike. No homework to do. No tutorials. No lectures. No exams.

Now that I'm 19, I wish I was 9 again. Minus that kind of thinking. School is what really rocks. I could even live through those years of lessons and homework all over again. Just please, pretty please, don't throw me into the corporate world.

Even now, working at iras is considered pretty good. Considering that I'm surrounded by pple who are no different from my friends in sch. It's like being in a big class. Like in sec sch. Then the sups are like teachers of some sort. But the nature of the job just kills me. Weirdly though, I'm not sure why I'm starting to be so intolerant of having to answer calls. My first 2mths were alright. I was happy. I had wonderful darls by my side. I still do. The job hasn't changed. Just that some pple come, some pple go.

So why am I so unhappy and depressed about having to go to work?

Could be due to the never-ending calls and equally never-ending questions. Throw in a couple more bastards and bitches over the phone who scold like there's no tmr, and voila! Hell on earth for you. There you go. My job. My life.

I feel damn freaking lifeless now. Even when I go out, I'm only happy for that little while. Why can't it last. I had so much confidence in myself at the beginning, that this job would be a breeze. Okay, maybe not a breeze, but I really doubted I'd end up tearing my hair out over answering calls. Counting the number of hairs left on my head...*shocked

I feel like I'm sinking into despair. Pessimism. Okay, so I was never really an optimist to begin with. But I do try. Yet now...

I just read a friend's blog. He was talking about how negative and pessimistic an outlook he has towards ns. He really sounded as if there's nth in life for him to look forward to. I feel that way too. Yet I'm not suffering the way he suffers in ns. Physically?

I think I'm deranged. I'm psycho-ing myself to be depressed about my job. How else can you explain why I'd go to work all smiley 2mths ago, but I drag myself outta bed now. It's the same job, ain't it? And same person. But deep down, I suspect that this person, me, is the one who has changed.

That aside, I think I've just typed an extremely long and boring and depressing post. Harping on the same point over and over again. Gosh, everything I ever learnt in sch, or rather, gp, has flown back to the teacher. *sprouts wings. Will noordin kill me if she sees how rambly I've become. Haha. I could write an essay now and submit a page-long paragraph going in circles about the same point. >_<

Dunno why, but I suddenly recalled the msn conversation I had with Joanie ytd. We were wondering why girls, smart girls, can become so stupid when it comes to love. Relationship. Guys.

And I'm just another one of those stupid fools.

Do we willingly let ourselves get trapped in this vicious cycle? I seem to recall saying before that I won't ever be a foolish girl who lets a guy manipulates her feelings. I said it with great conviction and confidence in my own words. And what did I end up doing? That exact opposite. For 2 entire years. Slap me.

And after that 2 years, I stepped straight out of that nightmare into yet another. Which will have no ending. Am I just despo. Haha. I dun think so. Matters of the heart are just so complicated and hard to control. Leave everything to nature, you say? But isn't it so funny, so exasperating, how nature seems to love making a fool out of us. Out of me.

I give up.

me
scribbled at
6:45 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

.girl in question.
[geri]
[turned twenty ONE on 28th jan!]
[aquarian]
[shopaholic]
[ij to tj to nbs]
[crazy moments]
[can be a biatch]
[2903]

.adores.
[rainbow] [stars]
[trumpet] [sunshine]
[monokuro boo] [tigger]
[shopping] [candy empire]
[family and friends*hugs*]

.take note.
nothing for now.all in my head.

.wants.
|i just want YOU to be alright. recover soon please..|

.current loves.
||my family||

.darlings.
amala amanda amy anneson benji berenice candice cherish cheryl chih lin christina cindy corinne daniel darren dawn deborah dern eileen elayne gerald guanyu huiteng huixun jasmine jeannie jiabao jieying jinyuan joan kingman layleng lianya luther marinah melf mitchelle neo nina ntusb pamela peiqin pyrite's blog sheryl tow boon vanessa wenhui yifen youwei ziyun

.click on them.
baumhouse birks- gso birks- jestel kg friendster haloscan hollister hyper-act! michael phelps club naturlich footshop orisinal who lives near you

.memories.
|tjband|
[syf 2003]
[prelude XXIII]
[prelude XXIV]
[trumpet section 2003]
[band thailand trip]
[trumpet section outing]
[wasbe 2003]
|2903|
[prom 2004!]
[class outing to beach]
[2903 album]
[sentosa]
|iras|
[concen TCOs]
|ij clique|
[bbq at bern's house]