Saturday, March 05, 2005
5:22 PM
Read Joan's blog earlier and I was laughing out loud when I read her first sentence. Cos' that's exactly what I did too! Checked my result slip when I woke up this morning, just to make sure it wasn't merely a dream. Heh.

I'm not gloating over my results. I'm just content that I can get into uni. I know it's good, especially when compared to my usual standard. F to A is a miracle. Believe me, I'm happy. I really am. My aim all along was just to get into uni. It nvr quite occured to me what kind of grades I needed exactly in order to go uni. All I knew was, if I didn't get into uni, I'd be so freaking disappointed with myself. Not to mention my parents and everyone else.

It's kind of scary, actually. To think that if I'd slacked any more than I should have last year, I wouldn't be seeing such results now. And, daddy was even telling me that he and mummy were seriously thinking what can I do if I didn't manage to make it to uni. He said that throughout my 2 years in TJ, everytime I came home with some kind of common test grade or some class test score (almost always some failing mark), he would start wondering abt my future. Sorry daddy and mummy, to make both of you worry so much. I know it's not that they didn't have confidence in me. It's more like I didn't give them a chance to feel that I could actually do well. For that, I'm sorry. But all the same, I can tell that they are really happy with my grades this time round. And proud of me too, I believe. Hahas. I'm glad to have made them happy. Made them believe in my words which I said quite sometime back. That if I really put my mind to it, I can do well. =]

Aniwaes, been browsing through the 3 different unis' webbys for some time liao...feeling very free today after getting home from work la. I'm starting to like the thought of going NTU more and more...initially, I die die oso wanted SMU. But now that I compare the 3, I find that they each have their advantages over the other lah. SMU is more private, smaller and easier for you to be 'heard' by the top sch authorities. Plus, near my home. Nice campus too. But fees abit high. And to be honest, I'm pretty intimidated by the thought of an interview and essay to submit. I tend to screw such things up. Urgh.

NTU and NUS have renowned biz schs..which is really good la. And acty, the thought of staying on campus in a hall is pretty exciting. Hahas. But it's more money again. I realised, going to uni is freaking expensive. It's so dumb la. Tuition fees are, like, close to 20K, but the govt gives grants of ard 70%. Why not just lower the freaking high fees?? They always say crap abt wanting s'poreans to have a chance at education..give what bursaries and study loans blah blah..if you ask me, they should really lower tuition fees first. But what do they do instead? Increase the bloody sky-high fees to outerspace-high fees. Madness can. And I wanted to go overseas uni la. Sigh. My York dreams...can say bye bye. Initially, I didn't even consider it cos' I was pretty sure I wouldn't do well enough to qualify. But now...so what if I qualify? No money to go. And grades oso not fantastically good enough for a scholarship. Oh wells. I shall be content with studying in S'pore. But I still dun like the education system here. Bleah.

I dunno how to go abt applying for uni admission. Like damn jialat can. I hardly know what courses I want aside from biz. Arts and social sci?? But I want biz more. Why does it have to be such a madly popular suject?? Urgh.

Sian of looking at the webbys le. I keep seeing nth but fees, fees and MORE fees. Money-minded asses. Will it kill them to lower the fees. Do they think that every s'porean opens a bank. Or have at least 1 million at their disposal. Wah liao. I really hate the money factor lor. Even if I work while studying, I'm gonna take an eternity to pay back the loans. Not to mention, daily expenses and misc sch fees blah blah. I dun wanna ask daddy n mummy for money. Money is already tight enuff as it is. I'm so dead la. Why didn't I get another A so I can qualify for scholarship. Then mummy and daddy wun hafta worry abt sch fees. I should start flipping through bursaries brochures. Bye bye scholarships. -dream smashed-

I feel so...I dunno. Suddenly like very angry with the govt. With moe. Make my life so difficult. It's always about money, money and still more money. I'll be honest. I'm so disturbed cos' I'm really scared of the financial burden of going to uni. I know mummy says she doesn't mind slogging out her guts, so long as I can get into uni and do well. But I dun want her to slog. She's slogged long enuff. And I'm barely outta JC. My sis still halfway through sec. Sians.

How did I end up being so longwinded. Sorry pple, for tolerating me this far. You have absolute patience mans. Heh. Keke, me tired from all the typing. Shall find sth else to do now. Tkkaire peeps, hope can meet some of you really, really soon. I miss you all already. -hugs-

me
scribbled at
5:22 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Friday, March 04, 2005
1:02 AM
I'm still in a state of disbelief.

The initial shock kind of worn off liao, but it all feels so...unreal. Surreal. Hahas.

Was a total wreck when we went back to sch today..tummy was aching the entire day, I kept running to the toilet. Damn scared sia!

When Jeannie cried before we went to the hall, I was near 100% freakout mode. The tears came just before the principal announced the list of top scorers. I just couldnt help it. Cried there and then.

Joan got 3As!!! Hahas. Congrats dear! -muacks- So did KM! =]

Aniwaes, it was freaking nerve-wrecking. Whenthe time finally came for us to get the results slip from PD...all I rmb is that I asked him how did I do, he said very good, gave me the ppr, I barely saw the grades then I started crying like a leaking tap. Heh. Sorry if I gave some pple a shock. I think I ren until cannot stand it liao, the tears just poured. Hahas. So stress la! Waiting and waiting for results. But it was worth the wait. I still find it hard to believe. I think PD must have been damn shocked too. Lol.

Really gotta thank lotsa pple. My tutors..darling frens..family...everyone lah! Their encouragement and all that...heh. My efforts finally paid off! All those days mugging at the airport..sch library and so on...I'm just so relieved it's all over. I'm gonna miss JC..but it's pretty exciting to start a new chpt in life too. Hope it goes smoothly for all...

For those hu did really well, congrats and good for you! For those hu didn't..always rmb, there's a pot of gold at the end of every rainbow. You just hafta find it by opening your heart and mind. Not doing well this time round isn't a condemned sentence. There are plenty of chances out there! U just gotta grab them. =]

Love ya all peeps! -muacks-

me
scribbled at
1:02 AM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Thursday, March 03, 2005
12:40 AM
Had lots to blog about. But too freaked out to say much now. Lost mood to blog. All I can say is, countdown another 14hrs!!!

Oh shit. >_<

me
scribbled at
12:40 AM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Wednesday, March 02, 2005
7:10 PM
Today's cramp day. Hate it.

Felt crampy during retraining, but wasn't so bad then. Went back to office and realised I kena for real. Thx Corinne babe for you-know-what. Heh. Tried answering calls but it got pretty bad. Hope I didn't give any wrong info to the taxpayers who got through to me. I really couldn't concentrate on whatever they were saying. Just kept going "uh huh", "hmm", "yes" and so on. Oops.

Things got worse when my stupid computer hung on me. As in, totally hung itself on a cable wire or whatshit. Restarted the whole damn thing, but my cramps got so bad, I was in Aux-work for nearly 30mins. After which was lunch and I decided I really couldn't take it anymore. Got leave form from Juliana and submitted it. Then hopped into a cab and reached home just in time to throw up. Sucks man. My whole tummy turning inside-out, upside-down. Urgh. Hate it hate it hate it! Think I should really invest in EPO. Heard it works. I can't stand the thought of having to suffer the same torture every single month for the next 40 over years or sth liddat. And I think I've accummulated enough panadol in my system to start a shop. >_<

Aniwaes, me gotta thank my dears in the office for their concern. I'm alright (for) now, will probably see you all tml! I'll still be cramping lah, but hopefully it wun be so bad. And Corinne. I feel bad for throwing that TP's efiling case to you; thanks so much dearie! Well, I know sth else now. Apparently I look the same whether I'm sick or angry. Hahas. Fidia was asking me why I looked so angry when I was really tearing up inside over the darned cramps. Heh.

Ahh. Too bad, shopping plans for today ruined. Thought maybe I could meet Jeannie for some retail therapy after work today, but cramps had to be such a spoiler. Aniwaes, I guess it's a good thing that Jean couldn't make it either. Or I'd feel really bad having to make her change her shift, only to tell her I can't go shopping. Nvm, there's always another time! But it'll hafta wait till after doomsday. Eek.

Okays, I feel the crampy thingaling coming back. Panadol's losing effect on me faster and faster. Sigh. One day I'll just overdose without even knowing it mans. Urgh.

me
scribbled at
7:10 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Tuesday, March 01, 2005
10:00 PM
Feeling kind of numb now. Tiring day.

Answered over 50 calls today; miss my slacker days last week. Shouldn't have complained about getting a 'cold' line. Now my line is so freaking 'hot', it rings the moment I hit 'manual-in'. Urgh.

Tired.

Confirmation that results will be out on Fri isn't helping either.

Freaking out.

Suddenly had this feeling wash over me...lost. I miss those times when I actually had someone to confide in. To know that the person would always be there when I needed a shoulder to lean on...now, I'm back to the old habit of cooping everything up. I just dunno who to call. To talk to. Feels so weird to suddenly call sumone up and just wanna talk. Yet I'm dying to do it. So many, many pple I wanna talk to. Confide in. Have them confide in me. But not happening.

Sigh.

That feeling will pass. But it'll come back again.

Till the next time.

me
scribbled at
10:00 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

.girl in question.
[geri]
[turned twenty ONE on 28th jan!]
[aquarian]
[shopaholic]
[ij to tj to nbs]
[crazy moments]
[can be a biatch]
[2903]

.adores.
[rainbow] [stars]
[trumpet] [sunshine]
[monokuro boo] [tigger]
[shopping] [candy empire]
[family and friends*hugs*]

.take note.
nothing for now.all in my head.

.wants.
|i just want YOU to be alright. recover soon please..|

.current loves.
||my family||

.darlings.
amala amanda amy anneson benji berenice candice cherish cheryl chih lin christina cindy corinne daniel darren dawn deborah dern eileen elayne gerald guanyu huiteng huixun jasmine jeannie jiabao jieying jinyuan joan kingman layleng lianya luther marinah melf mitchelle neo nina ntusb pamela peiqin pyrite's blog sheryl tow boon vanessa wenhui yifen youwei ziyun

.click on them.
baumhouse birks- gso birks- jestel kg friendster haloscan hollister hyper-act! michael phelps club naturlich footshop orisinal who lives near you

.memories.
|tjband|
[syf 2003]
[prelude XXIII]
[prelude XXIV]
[trumpet section 2003]
[band thailand trip]
[trumpet section outing]
[wasbe 2003]
|2903|
[prom 2004!]
[class outing to beach]
[2903 album]
[sentosa]
|iras|
[concen TCOs]
|ij clique|
[bbq at bern's house]