Friday, August 27, 2004
11:59 AM
Been hyper today...okies, not quite hyper, but in a pretty good mood. Considering I've been in a lousy mood da past few days.

It's kinda wearing me down now. Sometimes I wonder if my happiness is just a facade. If it really is, then da scariest part has gotta be that I dun realise it myself. I'm unaware that I'm actually not truly happy. Sighs.

Like today. I dun think I woke up feeling on top of the world. Okies, I wasn't upset or anything, but I wasn't exactly in a good mood either. I guess lack of sleep makes me a cranky gal. >_< But when I reached sch n saw my frens, I brightened up somehow. The importance of frens...heh.

Yet I think all those smiles and laughter coming from me weren't genuine. I really wanted to just stone, but that would be kinda bad. I mean, like, stoning with ur frens around and not feeling like talking...just feel bad lah. It ain't a nice thing to do, as I know very well by now.

Whatever. I'm not even sure what I'm tokking abt. Just felt like blogging suddenly, but I dun wanna go into too philosophical or contemplative a topic..not up to it now. I'm just tired, both physically and mentally. One of those times when I really wish I didn't come TJ. Or wish that I live next to TJ. One of those times I wish I can just drop outta sch. Drop everything that I hate and just live life the way I want. Not having to be subjected to this kinda stressing stupid education system. Urgh.

Okays pple u're just reading a senseless blog entry by a senseless gal living in a senseless world. So yeah. Promise I'll blog more readable stuff after I find myself back. Tata.

me
scribbled at
11:59 AM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Thursday, August 26, 2004
4:06 PM
Oh my god I am so freaking exhausted.

Finally finished doing the GP presentation; extremely hard work! I stayed up nearly 4 hours last night just doing da powerpoint alone...had to wait for the rest of them to send their parts to me while I did mine..then put them together and standardise all that shit..I was really dead tired and super pissed off by the time I turned off my comp and went to bed. Argh.

Then this morning when I woke up da dizziness hit me again. The same old horrible feeling I got barely a month ago..I couldn't even walk straight or see things without wanting to fall..it didn't seem as bad as da last time so I thought, what the heck, just go to sch lah. Apparently not. >_<

Luckily Daddy fetched me to sch this morning..da moment I got out of da car and walked a few steps, I nearly threw up...urgh. Only happens when I stand up and walk..sitting down is fine...what is wrong with me manz. *shakes head*

So aniwaes, practically da rest of my clique didn't turn up, except for PS and me. And that's only cos' she saw PD when she got outta da car so she couldn't zao. I was so bloody tired that I was practically a walking zombie...at least, I felt like one. Was toying with da idea of taking early leave, but it's gotten to be such a troublesome process that I ditched da idea. And thank god, Lit tutorial was cancelled so I ended pretty early..supposed to hand in da essay by da end of today but I really couldn't take it le. Thought htat I might as well go hme and do then hand it in tml. And guess what? On my way home in da bus, I suddenly remembered that, horror of horrors, I left my freaking Much Ado book in sch.

So here I am, finally done with the stupid powerpoint, staring at the computer screen with a major headache that's been pounding for the whole day, without my lit book. Wth. And wow, guess what my dad just told me? He came to the conclusion that I'm suffering from low blood pressure or iron deficiency or god knows what. Urgh. Let's hope he's wrong. I hate going to the doctor's.

I'm really so pissed and tired and everything. I haven't been studying or doing my work or revising or doing any shit at all cos' I've had to deal with all kinds of rubbish this week. The stupid freaking Econs test which tested the exact thing I didn't study (instead of 'taxes', which I believe most pple studied). The idiotic GP presentation which I've been doing since yesterday without a break (unless you count going to sch as a break. yeah right.). I dun even have time to do my f***ing homework. To settle da revision timetable I've owed myself for a week. To write out my impt formulas on the cue cards. In short, anything and everything. I sooooo absolutely hate my life!!! Nothing ever goes the way I want it to. I'm only left with 2 weeks to prelims and what have I been doing? Everything that doesn't concern prelims and nothing that I'm supposed to do. God even knows why tutors are piling stupid shit on us like presentations and projects instead of letting us mug for the exams. ARGH!!!

Forget it. I'm resigned to my life. I'll think about taking my fate into my own hands again after I regain some sanity from all the load of freaking shit I've been drowning in lately. Praying that it'll happen soon. Really soon.

me
scribbled at
4:06 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Sunday, August 22, 2004
10:55 PM
I've been such a slacker today! Hai.

Supposed to go mugging with Jeannie, budden she had to go visit her grandma so plans cancelled...thought maybe I'd try to stay home n mug n hopefully do sth constructive, but nooooo.....me at home=disaster! >_<>religion. Poor Jeannie and her topic of Islam. That's da religion she's doing cos' we all refused to do it..not because we have anything against that religion, but because we dun wanna face Noordin's questions and yada yada on Fri...she'll probably just yak her head off correcting us and all that..whatever we do, we sure kena from her wan lor...thx Jeannie dear! You've made a big sacrifice! Heh.

I'm so sian diao. What to blog abt leh...ohh yar, Li Jiawei lost her bronze medal match..so no medal for S'pore. Not that I blame her. On da contrary, I think she's done a great job, really. But she was super disappointed lah...cried after her match. Oh wells. So long as she tried her best, I think that's enough.

Ohh yar, I saw this advert on TV today. It was thanking Susilo, Jiawei and Zhang Xueling for their efforts at da Olympics...how they were so close to helping S'pore get a medal after 44 years yada yada...and that pissed me off. Okies, not quite pissed. I just felt it was damn unfair. Not that I mean they dun deserve to be thanked; of course they do! But what abt da rest? Da other athletes who went along as part of da S'pore team? Just cos' they didn't manage to fight their way higher up the competition doesn't mean they dun deserve to be thanked wad. Granted, they will be thanked. But that will be a general wan lor. Aiyah, dunno lah. It's just so S'pore lor. I'm starting to see more clearly and understand better now why Joan is so adamant abt studying and living in S'pore. Why she doesn't like it here. It's really not as good as it seems lor. As da facade put up to convince pple that we're a great country blah blah. Ohh bother. Whatever. Why am I even tokking abt this huh. Nothing's gonna ever change. At least, not in da near future.

Okies, my stupid headache is really getting to me after an entire day. I can't be bothered with GP le, whether presentation or AQ. Shall go slp soon. Nites.

me
scribbled at
10:55 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

10:58 AM
Love in Time's Despite
You who are given to me to time were given
Before through time I stretched my hand to catch
Yours in the flying race. Oh we were driven
By rivalry of him who has no match.

For that cold conqueror, unfeeling lover,
Who robs your deep heart's treasuries as in play,
Trampling your tender harvests over and over,
Where no door is at ease can find his way.

His light embrace is subtle and keen as thought;
Yet, perfect careful lover, he has no care.
For you at all, is naught and leaves you naught.

And we who love and love again can dare
To keep in his despite our summer still
Which flowered, but shall not wither, at his will.

Did this poem in PC class that day. Thought it was really nice; kinda sad too. So just decided to blog it up here for all to read. =)

me
scribbled at
10:58 AM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

.girl in question.
[geri]
[turned twenty ONE on 28th jan!]
[aquarian]
[shopaholic]
[ij to tj to nbs]
[crazy moments]
[can be a biatch]
[2903]

.adores.
[rainbow] [stars]
[trumpet] [sunshine]
[monokuro boo] [tigger]
[shopping] [candy empire]
[family and friends*hugs*]

.take note.
nothing for now.all in my head.

.wants.
|i just want YOU to be alright. recover soon please..|

.current loves.
||my family||

.darlings.
amala amanda amy anneson benji berenice candice cherish cheryl chih lin christina cindy corinne daniel darren dawn deborah dern eileen elayne gerald guanyu huiteng huixun jasmine jeannie jiabao jieying jinyuan joan kingman layleng lianya luther marinah melf mitchelle neo nina ntusb pamela peiqin pyrite's blog sheryl tow boon vanessa wenhui yifen youwei ziyun

.click on them.
baumhouse birks- gso birks- jestel kg friendster haloscan hollister hyper-act! michael phelps club naturlich footshop orisinal who lives near you

.memories.
|tjband|
[syf 2003]
[prelude XXIII]
[prelude XXIV]
[trumpet section 2003]
[band thailand trip]
[trumpet section outing]
[wasbe 2003]
|2903|
[prom 2004!]
[class outing to beach]
[2903 album]
[sentosa]
|iras|
[concen TCOs]
|ij clique|
[bbq at bern's house]