.shut me out from this world.

Saturday, May 22, 2004

11:05 PM

I was just reading Joan's and Christina's blog entries. Da one abt a certain tutor beginning to turn GP lessons into religious classes. And come to think of it, I kinda agree that this scenario is happening. And I so do not like it.

And her comments that day abt da class motto we picked. Hello?! No matter how good a teacher you are, there are certain things you shd stay out of u noe? What's da point of picking one of those 'politically correct' mottos which we probably wun even rmb in months to come, let alone use it to represent us as a class?? Like you pple say, it's a class motto, picked by da class. Dun we even have da freedom to say what we like abt ourselves? I mean, your duty is just to make sure it comes out in print. So just shut your eyes and keep ur comments to yourself okay? Even PD didn't say anything abt it; why shd you??

And speaking of PD, it's a major mix of emotions for me. Okay, so maybe I'm being a tad unfair towards him. Saying how he's a biased piece of shit who picks on lousy students like me.

Guess I was letting my emotions get the better of me that day. Okay, I admit you're right. At least the part abt PD being a good tutor. Yeah, he is, actually. So it's my fault for not being a receptive student. Haha.

That aside, regardless of how I admit I've been a biased person myself, I still think that I can't bring myself to like him. Okay, so I promise to try and show him more respect. But I think the bias-ness will always be there. Maybe it would have been better if he taught me another subject. I dun see myself condemning Quek as much as PD. And they both say my Math can't make it. As in, worse than Econs even. Haha. So it's not quite true that I dislike a tutor just cos' I'm terrible in that subject. If that's the case, shouldn't I be hating Quek more than PD??

Okay, so I'm getting disillusioned. I just really dun like da atmosphere here in TJ sumtimes. All those talk nowadays abt how we aren't really who we seem...appearance and reality happens to those higher up too. In fact, even more so I think.

Some pple are just so two-faced. Some say they do it for da good of others. Fine, I wun say anything to such pple. I shall see if your words are really true, if you're really being such a two-faced monster for the sake of others.

But there are also others who are simply born monsters. Bitches and bastards, all of you. It's pretty duh who I'm referring to. You dun even noe me, except maybe by sight, by name, by other connections I dunno. But it doesn't stop me from disliking you for all those things you've done to hurt others, the untruths you've spouted abt innocents. I can't understand, even until today, why u haf that group of frens hanging arnd you. Are they really ur frens? I dun understand why she hangs out with you. And even she admits you can be a bitch. Mind you, that's in her own words. And I fully agree. So there.

If only you'll one day wake up to your senses and see yourself for who u really are. Maybe you shd have taken Lit. Then you'll hafta be faced constantly with the term 'appearance and reality'. And maybe it will strike you then that it totally applies to you. Ha.

Pls, for your sake, for our sake, for everyone's sake. Stop being such a bitch and going around scolding others, like you're some high and mighty angelic girl well-liked by everyone. It's all an illusion, and it'll burst in ur face one day. It's too mean to say that I wanan see your reaction when that happens. In fact, why am I even bothered with you. Wasting so much effort typing about you when I dun even noe you. I guess I just can't stand da way you're such a hypocrite. Okay, to be fair, I've heard some nice things abt you too. I suppose you can be nice at times, to selective pple for selective reasons. Just try to be nicer okay? I'm sure you dun wanna be hated by pple all ur life, be labelled a bitch. I feel sorry for you, really. There's hope for you, actually. Stop letting yourself down.

*phew* Finally said all I've wanted to say. Feel kinda empty and outta breath now. Haha. But seriously, it helps getting things off ur chest. Anyway, now that I've gotten all these crap outta my system, it's time to forget them and move on. Worry abt more substantial things. Like tml's GP and Econs test on Tue! *eek*

me
scribbled at
11:05 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

Thursday, May 20, 2004

10:28 PM

I feel like such a slacker.

One more week of school left..then it's da June hols! That's supposed to perk me up, but da thought of mugging during those 4 wks..JCT after that..intensive mugging da rest of da year..before Prelims..and finally A's...I feel so...overwhelmed.

I keep asking myself if this is what I really want. The typical education that almost everyone else goes throuh. Pri sch, to sec sch. Then da politically 'right' path is to go JC cos' that's a direct route to Uni. And if you dun haf a Uni education, you haf practically no future. At least, that's da message I get, even from my own parents.

I wanted to go to a poly; they said I'd be ruining my future. Maybe not exactly, but sth along those lines. Up till today, I still think it was a mistake for me to enter a JC, even more so that I'm in TJC. Sigh.

Why can't we just all live life the way we want to? Nothing to follow..no pressure to go down a particular path in life..I wanted so much to study music when I was younger. But my parents' idea of studying music was to learn the piano. Sure, they weren't quite wrong. But have they ever thought that maybe I wan to learn sth else other than the piano? I mean, isn't it quite obvious the way I was doing badly for my piano exams that maybe I was losing interest in it? All those classical pieces I was forced to practice..I felt so stifled. And it didn't help that my teacher refused to teach me what I wanted to learn, really learn. I've since given up on the piano. I still like it, like playing it, like listening to it. But the feeling's just not the same.

I seem to do everything halfway. It's all never complete. Just like my life. Am I gonna continue liddat my whole life? What am I gonna achieve? I dun wanna live till the end only to realise that I've failed living as myself, done nothing worth mentioning in all the years I've lived. That would be really sad. I cringe just thinking about this. *shudderS*

Maybe I sould really sit down and start thinking about my life, past, present, future.

me
scribbled at
10:28 PM

*[dream as if you'll live forever. live as if you'll die today]*

.girl in question.
[geri]
[turned twenty ONE on 28th jan!]
[aquarian]
[shopaholic]
[ij to tj to nbs]
[crazy moments]
[can be a biatch]
[2903]

.adores.
[rainbow] [stars]
[trumpet] [sunshine]
[monokuro boo] [tigger]
[shopping] [candy empire]
[family and friends*hugs*]

.take note.
nothing for now.all in my head.

.wants.
|i just want YOU to be alright. recover soon please..|

.current loves.
||my family||

.darlings.
amala amanda amy anneson benji berenice candice cherish cheryl chih lin christina cindy corinne daniel darren dawn deborah dern eileen elayne gerald guanyu huiteng huixun jasmine jeannie jiabao jieying jinyuan joan kingman layleng lianya luther marinah melf mitchelle neo nina ntusb pamela peiqin pyrite's blog sheryl tow boon vanessa wenhui yifen youwei ziyun

.click on them.
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